From the hardest moments...

...come the most profound developments.

Today my 11 year old son called my 7 year old niece a b***h and said he hated her in front of their mom, a dear friend of ours.

I was so angry. I was embarrassed. I was also ashamed. I dont like feeling ashamed at all.

My sister-in-law behaved with such grace. I was so grateful for her calm reaction (even though I guess that was not her final thought!).

She explained her daughters behaviour with absolute clarity. So much better than I was managing!

My children and I have spent the day talking about what happened. It's been eye-opening.

My son now understands, after a lot of discussion, why what he said was just awful in every way. He sees the difference between the person and the behaviour. He is thinking about how he can respond differently in the future. He is very sorry.

Through this scary and sad experience we have all made personal progress.

Don't be afraid of the 'bad' behaviour. It is simply a new opportunity to connect and understand.

My oldest son, who was also present when it happened, was mortified too. He is Autistic and he knew that what had happened was awful too.

To listen to him trying to explain what had been so harsh in my younger son's words was educational! He did not explain it as I had, nor as my s-i-l had but he was insightful and honest.

Once we had made some progress we moved on to discuss the notion of balance, good/evil. Bad people/good people. Then we talked about good guys and bad guys in Avatar (the Nickelodeon tv show not the blue people) and tried identifying who we all resembled (a real life version of all the quizzes on Facebook!) or who we'd like to be!

We touched on what it means to 'humour' someone.

What a day.

It had a happy ending!