Accessing my Emotions

i’ve felt out of touch with my most realest most intense emotions.
My creativity has felt stifled.
I’ve been craving sexual interactions.
Been eating a lot- desiring food constantly as a distraction.

What am I running from?

Sleeping
wake up
REAWAKEN
Listening to Skillet- Comatose
“ i’ll never wake up without an overdose of you.
I don’t wanna live, I don’t wanna breathe, Unless I feel you next to me.”

I don’t.
It’s not worth it.
Unless I feel LIFE source God running through my veins
I can’t do it
alone
without my spirit guides
I cannot love half alive

“But i’m here again
a thousand miles away from you.”

I’ve been here so often.
This state of disconnection.
Life source not flowing through me.
Resistance.
Meditation,
more like a chore.
An effort to fight away distractions that
are flying at my like arrows.

If something comes along worth putting my focus on
I put in all I got.
Obsessively.
Until it’s complete.
Like my vision board.
I spent 30 or so hours on.

I know now why I enjoy acting.
Improv.
Why I enjoy improving.
Auditions.
Singing.
Without them I resort to being numb.
Nothing is PUSHING me to feel.

I am most alive when I am doing improv comedy.
Dance.
Acting.
Rocking out.
am I willing to let a part of me die?
Now I understand why!

I understand the gemini.
The part that knows i’m valuable. Knows i’m divine.
Knows i’m worthy, of love and light.
That understands that life is a tragic comedy not be be taken seriously.
I just wanna dance and sing,
and have the world do it with me.
I’m fillwd with love and I want to spread it.
But lately, I have felt depleted.
Unworthy.
A burden.
Insecure.
Invisible.
The difference is a light switch.
An instance.
An opening of the eye.

A breakthrough is waiting to happen.
Keep going.
Don’t stop believing.