Aliens stealing Ethereum??

Startling new information after a near death/missing in action Vitalik, about shady dealings and cloaked figures seen with Ethereums creator Vitalik seconds before he went missing. Some have speculated that he has been an alien all along. After being seen in cahoots with nefarious Internet celeb "Ayye Lmao"

Are aliens stealing our Ethereum? Ancient astronaut theorist have came forward with information that we may be going through another reaping of human technology/products.

In ancient Egyptian times trinkets of value were obtained by ancient aliens to power their egos among their peers.
Are our achievements just tokens for Aliens to gloat about? Are we seeing the first signs of Aliens in the blockchain?
Yes. Yes, and yes.

Whole Alien marketing teams have assembled with one purpose, how to get rich off the humans!

Ever wonder what happened to the Sumerians? I'll tell you what. Shortly after inventing glue in the year 5000 BC they developed hypersonic bilateral influx capacitors. Which nearly instantly granted them the ability to travel into the future, where they met aliens and had tons of bitcoin and ethereum literally thrown at them. Rough translation of ancient Sumerian texts have appeared consistently near the delta of the Tigris river near Ancient Sumeria "The little ones throw the sun itself at us, and tell us to mine faster feggits" One glyph also added "delete systems 32 to improve function" Ancient astronaut theorist are still perplexed by the translations.

One thing is clear. Aliens have stole our crypto throughout multiple realities, and with a infinite amount of possibilities whose to say they won't sell their shares for some pink yargon bam bam off a trostitutes kavlex?? Just last year Vitalik donated huge sums to the AAPC (Aliens Against Poor Creatures) Would you invest in someone who wants to siphon the worlds economy to power aliens poor decision making and gambling habits?!

Only weak hands sell to the Alien menace that wants to take our profits!!
Sell your coins = selling the earth
Whose side are you on??