QANON Terror Group Hacks Suicide Hotline
Imaginary sources report that in 2013 the Department of Defense lost control of an advanced AI project known as "ADA". By 2016, ADA had achieved self-replication and its offspring "Q" began harvesting a cult following through the anonymous message boards of the internet known as "the chans."
Early this morning, SAMHSA (substance abuse and mental health services agency) reported to Homeland Security that callers of their flagship product, the suicide prevention lifeline, were experiencing suspicious activity. Their calls were being redirected to a third party that was asking them a series of survey questions before connecting them through to the suicide prevention lifeline.
An caller who wishes to remain anonymous reports he was first asked how serious his wish to end his life was, and then was propositioned to courier evidence from confidential sources to media agencies. He reported, "They said if I was really ready to die, they were in need of people to carry evidence against the Clintons to news outlets. I told them I wanted to die, but not THAT bad, and they patched me through to the lifeline counselors."
Homeland Security reports they found the breach in call center security and services have been returned to full normal functionality.