I have decided to start sharing in more detail
my experiences of growing up in the
foster care system

I believe these accounts and others like them to be of huge importance if we are ever going to convince the masses that THIS SYSTEM DOESN'T Work and it MUST be replaced.

What is foster care?

I'm sure that in the beginning, the intention was to help children who were being abused or neglected by their parents, a place where they felt safe, wanted and cared for.

Whatever happened along the way this is not how foster care is today or at least not from what I and everyone I've ever met who's been in FC have experienced.

In this article, I will be explaining how as a child I dealt with and survived being in the home of strangers who get paid for caring.

Day 1, That day I will never forget but is hard to remember.

I remember the day when they came to take me away, I walked into the living room to see my Mum and two official-looking strangers all sitting there with serious faces. I knew something was up but I thought it was related to me being naughty at school or something.

I can't remember the exact words that were used or who said them but what I do remember is that my Mum wouldn't look me in the eye's and the words, your Mum needs a break, we are taking you away.

Sitting in the back of the social workers car on my way to the first of my many many foster placements, I remember all I kept thinking was that somehow this was all just a big mistake and that soon they would turn around and reunite me with my brothers.

When the social workers left me at this dirty house with loads of dogs running around I realised this was the real deal and a sudden feeling of abandonment and loneliness hit me like a train, they showed me to my room and I sat there for hours looking out the window waiting for my Mum and brothers to come and pick me up.

Day 2, The wall was built

The first thing you need to be able to survive being in care is a wall. I'm not talking about any wall, this wall has to be inpenetrable from all angles with multi-layers of defence on both side, yes, that right, both sides, this wall was so fucking huge that not even I could bring it down once it was built.

Once the wall was built I decided to never trust or listen to another adult throughout the rest of my childhood and long into my adult life.

Day 3, Being my own boss!

I then went onto controlling my environment, and this I did with conviction, I wouldn't say this was intentional, I think it was more instinct than anything else but whatever the reason it just felt good to take charge.

Of all the traits I picked up whilst in care, being in control was my favourite because it gave me a false sense of worth and authority. I also believe this trait saved my ass, as I am still convinced to this day that if I had not been so good at controlling then I would have no doubt fallen victim to the many pedophiles who swim these waters.

Another trick I had learnt was that if I hurt myself and brought enough chaos into my life on a daily basis then no one else would have the chance to, like a kind of physical form of reverse phycology, if that makes any sense.

Being wanted by the Un-wanted.

When you grow up in care you shut everybody out, everybody except kids who are in the same boat as you, this obviously adds to the problem but at the time you have no other choice.

These are the people who you can be yourself with, the people you can tell the truth to and not expect to be judged, it's not perfect but it feels good to have a family again.

If you are a social worker who is wondering why you can never really get through to a foster kid no matter how hard you try then don't take it personally but you got no chance and never will.

Thank you for taking the time to read this article and next time I will be writing about how being in care effects your ability to form lasting relationships.

The point of this series is not to shock, blame or shame, it's to open peoples eye's up to what really happens to children who get lost in the system, It seems so easy for people nowadays to ring the cps, even on family members in the belief that cps will solve the problem and the child will be in safe hands.

With @familyprotection, I, and many other people are coming forward to share their experiences so that the world can start to see what devastation can be caused by removing a child from the care of its parents, please continue to support these stories as I believe we can really make a difference and hopefully start to change peoples trusts and belief in a caring CPS.