Adjusting to the Department of Correction’s Indiana Girl’s School

If you have missed the last part of this story you may want to stop reading and go here before you continue on with this next part of the story. As I am going to assume my readers are following along and will understand I will continue without explaining how things work all over again.

Now adjusting to this new climate of hierarchy was something I had a fairly easy time with over all. My first roommate was from my home town and had been locked up with me at the YOC. She had told stories about this girl who could disable the alarm systems and escaped a bunch treating the YOC like it was her personal home instead of a youth facility . And when I got assigned to their group, I kind of had instant “juvie Prison creds” so I didn’t experience some of the other stuff I witness some of the inmates do to other inmates. And I am not going to lie, I even did a couple of mean things myself. Because it was a climate if you didn’t you could and would be the target.

New Roommates

Once our therapist found out my roommate and I knew it each from back home she moved her out of the room and for a while I had the room to myself. Then one day a little girl who was barely old enough to be there was assigned my roommate as she just arrived from cottage 2. I became protective of her. A few months into her sentence she tried to hang herself. That is the only time I stood up to staff and yelled at them. I knew she was upset and she got herself into trouble on purpose to stay at the cottage and not go to an activity, so I decided I had to get sent back and cussed out a girl that months later I would end up beating up to get send back. I was sent to my room and walked into her hanging herself. I was just in time, I was able to get her off the bar, and yelled for help. Staff told me to shut off, I ran out of the room and yell fine if she kills herself and dies it isn’t my fucking fault it will be yours. That is when they finally came running.

Staff was here to Guard and to make sure no one got hurt, not to do anything else

So it was an accountability, snitch system and if you were not following the rules, the whole group would be punished, hence how the hierarchy kind of takes into effect. Nothing worse than being on lock down in a small 6x8 cell with a roommate. We didn’t have bathrooms in our rooms as they were only big enough for a bunk-bed, a dresser and closet it had hangers attached that wouldn’t come off. So in a lock down situation you could have to wait hours to be let out to go to the bathroom. So when dumb asses would do something to cause a lock down. There would be repercussions, staff knew what was going on but acted like they didn’t.

Privileges like Walking around campus without a staff member

To walk around campus was a great honor to be trusted not to try to escape while walking to the school or kitchen or church or even the administration. It took most people many months to be trusted to do that, but I also became a staff favorite because of the trip to the ER and breaking down, I didn’t escape so I earned the privilege nearly right away. I won’t like I took every advantage I could take, I didn’t want to be there any longer than I had to be. But you could lose privileges if you were sent to the maximum security cottage aka the hole.

Sometimes if you pissed off the top of the hierarchy there would be hell to pay

Some groups would beat up their members. When I first got there the top girl in the group that is how she handled things. But as the weeks went on I slowly became one of the top girls as the other top girls were released. If you crossed a top girl your life could be hell. In the group sentencing you had to earn your release. You had to have your groups help to earn your release. We had group therapy once a week and you had to tell three stories to the group. Two of the stories had to be issues you needed to work on. The third had to be your life story. Which after wards the therapist confirmed with your family. If you were found out to be lying you would not earn your release and would have to start all over. The problem was the group got to decided who got to tell their stories and who didn’t. So some girls did more time because they were not liked.

When you crossed a top girl some girls would beat you up, not me. I didn't want to risk getting my time extended. So what we would do is get a girl to give us something of said girl were were getting back at, then have their roommate or the girl doing room check plant it in the girls stuff. Then the girl whose item it was would complain to staff she had missing stuff, then there would be a shake down. And said girl whose draw it was found it would get sent to the hole. No one likes being locked up for 23 hours a day. Only being released for 1 hour each day. It sucks. But that is what I meant when I said I could be mean.

I was lucky I got to tell all 3 of my stories in 3 months

I was excited I have earned my release. Then there was a big blow. I had no where to go, my parents were scared to let me come back home and they were not going to take me back at the YOC. So I had to find a place to live and since I was still only 15 and a few months before my 16th birthday, I couldn’t apply for independent living programs.So I started writing letters to the adults I trusted. (I was going to include the letter I wrote in this piece but I can’t find what box it is in, sorry guys) Asking them if they would consider letting me come and live with them. I started with my godmother it wasn’t long before I got a letter back saying sorry no. Then I wrote to my grandmother, she wrote back telling me no too. Then I wrote to my grandpa, and he didn’t respond.I was crushed, I felt abandoned by people that was suppose to love me. (I have since forgiven all of them, as I realized none of them truly knew what was going on with me, all they knew is I kept running away)

No where to go so I had to stay

I started applying for independent living programs. I had earned my release but was still a prisoner because I had no where to go. By now February had rolled around and I was 16 and could apply for the programs. I should have been release 6 weeks before and I was still sitting here hoping one of the programs I applied to would accept me into the program I would wait another 3 and 1/2 months before finding one that would accept me into their program. But 3 weeks before I found out I was accepted. I was trying to find out from one of my therapists if they had heard anything back yet. And got upset when he blew me off. One of the girls in my group I didn’t like to begin with, she started badgering me “You should tell me what is wrong” Over and over again, I told her I was going to call group when we got back to the cottage to leave me alone for now. But she kept on and on and on, finally I yelled “Bitch I said I was calling group Shut the Fuck up and give me some piece” She backed off then.

Once we arrived back at the cottage I went to the desk to call group

Group was how we handled personal issues or even group issues before going to staff, and this girl runs up to the desk saying “No we need a Desk” that is where staff gets involved. I said “No we don’t, she is just made I called her a bitch and told her to shut the fuck up when she was hounding me to tell her what was wrong and I told her I was calling a group when we got back to the cottage and she wouldn’t stop” Then this girl walks around and said “We need a Desk cause I want one” and continues walking up on me. I told her “ You need to back up, you are getting too close to me” and she walked up in my face and said “What are you going to do about it?” At this point I threw down the books I was holding and punched her as hard as I could over and over again till staff pulled me off of her. It felt so good to hit this girl. She was so annoying and I had been a model prisoner to this point. As least as far as staff was concerned.

I got put in the hole

All I could think of was damn my time is going to start all over, I just lost all my privileges all because that girl pushed me too far. I was very upset. I spent the weekend there and when my parents came to visit that is where they had to visit me at. I was so ashamed that they saw me there. But we had a visitor when they came and it was my main therapist I was going to get timed served and be moved back to the cottage the next day. I would not be losing my privileges and as soon as one of the homes accepted me I would be released. That girl was pissed when she found out too. It was great.

Two Weeks Later I was given my release papers.

I would be leaving in 4 days to my new independent living program. I was so excited my excitement would be shorted lived though. Which I will get into in the next part of the story. I also want to give a big huge shout out to @charisma777 who during my entire 8 + months of being locked up wrote to me nearly every single day. Without her support on the outside I think I would have lost it. She made me know that someone out there cared for me. It meant a lot to me then and still does.