Five must dos when giving feedback

Communication, they say, is a pervasive phenomenon. We communicate every day--verbally, physically, electronically. It makes us human. Like many processes, communication breakdowns are inevitable--problems arise, relationships become fragile, and more communication is needed to solve misunderstandings and move forward. We’ve been on the giving and receiving ends of the communication. Of course, there will be a time when we are in charge of giving feedback. Here are five things to do to make feedback work:

1. Don’t do it in front of others

At home, at work, and in social circles, people including ourselves commit mistakes. Sometimes they retaliate. Sometimes, they offend. Sometimes, they get lost. In most situations, it is best to give feedback with much-needed privacy because it shows a sense of sincerity and a clarity of purpose which can be anything from correcting a child’s unruly behavior, improving employee’s performance, or clarifying a friend’s issues. Doing something in private without the suspecting eyes of other people avoids compromising the feedback’s intention.

2. Keep in mind the purpose of the feedback

We are bombarded with a lot of things every day. Hence, any communication must be done on purpose. All of our feedback must be characterized with 7 c’s: clear; concise; concrete; correct; coherent; complete; and courteous.

3. Hear the other person out

We love rationalizing our actions and inactions. Expectedly, other people have their reasons, too. The child thought that to spill his milk was fun; the employee didn’t understand the objective of the project; the friend bailed out of the get-together. Reasons, petty or not, must be heard. We all want it that way.

4. Repeat what you understand

Repeating what other people said is a sign of understanding. It means that while we are out to give feedback, we are also out to listen. It gives us a chance to know what we are missing as it also provides better solutions and actions.

5. Work out a plan together

Ideally, feedback should result in a plan of action moving forward. The child must not spill his milk; the employee must do tasks a, b, and c because these are aligned with the project objectives; the friend must inform others about her preferred schedule. A plan of action ensures that both parties are committed to avoiding the same mistakes.

Communication is essential to our survival. The feedback loop brings us an assurance that we get our message across, facilitate greater understanding, stop inaction, and create outcomes and impact--no matter how small, no matter how little.