A Collaborative Effort: What Makes You Feel Beautiful? - #feelbeautiful Challenge #1

A Challenge to post what makes YOU #feelbeautiful Feel free to join us with your own post on the topic!

I first saw this topic in a post by @eaglespirit who posted about what makes her feel beautiful and a bit of a call to the rest of us to think about it as well!

So I read this post on this whole #feelbeautiful idea and it made me think. I've been feeling... comfortable in my own skin lately. I've lost 50 pounds in the last 7-8 months and it's definitely making me feel so much better about myself, but I've never been the "beautiful" type. I don't think that I'm repulsive or anything, but I just don't feel like I'm the beautiful type... and I think that's fine.

First off, I’ve struggled with body image my entire life, so I haven’t felt beautiful for any real period of time. I was always obsessed with being 5 pounds thinner or starving myself to feel like I was in control of something. I don't think that weight defines other people's beauty, but my own self image... well, it was definitely a HUGE factor for me personally.

I grew up with a body type that wasn’t “in” style, a muscular girl in the early 80’s decade of pencil thin models (and then pencil thin with big fake boobs was ‘it’ and I didn’t have any real boobs to speak of, much less fake ones!). I was made fun of for my 'bubble butt' all through elementary and middle school. Now it's the asset to have (pun intended) but then? No way, thin was in!

If you’ve read much of what I’ve posted, you will know that there are some dark themes there. I’m pretty open about the fact that a lot of those difficult subjects are ones that I write about because they are my history. And having a history with a lot of junk/issues/abuse/dysfunction often leads to eating disorders, body dismorphia, etc. I can certainly say that these things had a significant effect on me and I’ve struggled my entire life with every feeling ‘good enough’ ‘beautiful’ or anywhere in the ‘deserving’ category. I suppose that’s why this post caught my eye.

I’ve had moments of feeling ‘beautiful’ in my life. Looking back it was often times only because some guy thought I was sexy or attractive and that was my guide for whether or not I should feel beautiful.

Other times that I’ve felt beautiful were times when I felt strong. Times when I felt confident or even proud of an accomplishment. Times when I’ve lifted weights or done workouts that made my muscles appear… that’s when I feel beautiful.

In part, I suppose it is because of a man, since my husband finds strength and muscles beautiful…

But also because when I’m strong, I feel confident and accomplished
Which makes me feel good about myself
And That radiates through me,
Viola’ Feeling Beautiful!

*I love my muscular legs and I think they're beautiful... most of the time. When I'm not being a body image emotional mess of a person!

I also feel good when I wear things that I feel like myself in. I’m sure that’s totally different than a lot of women, but when I say that, I don’t mean makeup or heels (although I love those things from time to time, like the photo above!), I mean in a fitted tank top and any of my lounge pants/workout pants/whatever that I feel are flattering.

When I try to dress “sexy” in lingerie or something like that, I just feel…. Pressure. Like I’m just putting too much glitz on it or something. I guess I’m very very lucky that my husband finds my tank top and leggings sexy ;)

And on a totally NON-body type thing, I have enjoyed dying my hair fun colors in the past, or just bleaching it to white. Having anything other than "boring" brown hair makes me feel more beautiful as well. I guess I'm really fortunate that I'm good at dying my own hair, or it could get expensive!

**I do want to add that reading @hopehuggs post Ladies... An Easy Way to Feel Beautiful on the Outside does make me want to go buy matching underwear as well, because... well it can't hurt, can it? Of course my version of 'sexy matching underwear' is STILL boy shorts and a sports bra, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right?

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And if you're interested in reading some of my other writing, here are some options:

Brief recap of a serialized fiction story that I'm writing, if you're interested in my more 'normal' type of writing:

Chuck has been living a very dead end type of life, working in a derelict old, barely making it gas station in a failing small town when a priest and a tie dye wearing hippie come upon his gas station. They have a bag to bestow upon Chuck. A bag that they claim holds the power to fulfill his dreams and change his life.

Chuck, however, is more than a little disbelieving and wary of the whole idea…

Read The Beginning
Part 1: Chuck Here
Part 2: The Bag Here
Part 3: The Beginning
Part 4: The Accident
Part 5: Strangers in a Strange Town

Annnd some Real Life stories that I've written as well
Real life awesome stories:

Living the Storm (a small story from our life on a sailboat)

My Kids First Time Swimming with Dolphins

Part 6: The Stories of my life told through my tattoos

All photos are mine, with the exception of the photo in the "Chuck" series. That photo is used with permission from Sprite Dunbar Photography Model/"Chuck" @knightengale aka Jaedin Always*