A hitman's story - Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I was utterly bored, that’s how it all started. Good job, kind of alright friends, nice girlfriend, you’d say everything was perfect. Well I guess everybody has his own definition of perfection and my definition didn’t actually fit with how my life was going. Did I know what I wanted? I guess, deep inside, I already knew, but it was only after that specific day that everything started becoming clear. Solution, I’m unsatisfied! I’ve always been and I’ll always be, till the end, an unsatisfied person, but then I found what would keep me out of boredom, at least for all these years.

I’d been hearing few times about what’s called deep web, or dark web, if there’s any difference, just I didn’t know how to get there, not really a tech person. Fact is I managed to get there at some point, through that browser called Tor, a window to a whole new world, to the unexplored lands of human perversions. I would love to say that I’ve lost myself into this ocean of lust and easy available entertainment, that I’d dived into the world of kinky dating and fetish encounters, but even though that was my first thought, I quickly realised I would just waste my time there as I already was in my “normal” daily activities. Reason to cheat my girlfriend? None really! Although she wasn’t kinky enough, I was pretty sure, and still am, that kinky wasn’t an adjective fitting with the solution to my boredom and dissatisfaction. These thoughts, however, didn’t prevent me from browsing this dark web a few time, and there I stopped, when I found that website, one single page advertising a small list of strange services.

It was a quite professional website, there was a price list, a world-wide availability for the services and a handful of professionals providing them. You could order the murder of anybody with just ten thousand dollars, that was the basic one, you could specify a public place murder with single shot, stabbing and some more execution types. You could request a private home or office murder, and there was the basic price for it, but you could also ask for an acid attack to a woman, a rape, a castration. These were just a handful of the items in the menu, I’m not going to list all of them here, but what I can say is that this website got my attention. I thought it might be a scam, that I’d pay for a murder, or a rape, and I’d just loose all my money, plus really: did I want anybody to die? I surely wanted, let’s be honest, who does not hate at least somebody, but did I want that so much? Or better: was I willing to pay all that money just to see if the company was genuine and to sacrifice somebody’s life? Thinking and thinking more about that I realised that I wouldn’t like to choose anybody as a victim, not that I cared about anybody, If they were killing my girlfriend, even then I wouldn’t mind that much, but I wasn’t really craving for somebody’s death, and just to see if the website was advertising true services. My girlfriend actually would’ve been the best victim, I could have her raped, but then I would have had to comfort her, and I wasn’t prepared for that, I could have had her killed, but again spending ten grands just for having to find another sex toy? Thinking that the real idea came to my mind, I was actually interested in procuring the death of somebody, but I didn’t care who and how, I just cared to be the one who actually “clicked the button”.

It was a handful of professional, as I had read, about forty and available for every location in the world. Really easy process even: send an email, specify who is the victim, what needs to happen and you’ll receive a response, pay half now half at the end. That was really that simple, but I wasn’t writing an email for that, I wanted to be one of the professionals, would they actually read it? Would they consider it? Let’s face it, you don’t go to your job centre and you apply for a hitman’s job, even if this website was serious the process to recruit new hitmen wouldn’t be so simple. As you might understand, however, I did send that email, and what happened next is the subject of these memories.

• “What should I send? What’s subject? Maybe: Joining your team”

I was burning my head, but anything like that would risk my email to go straight to the rubbish bin.

• “Your services”

That I thought would be simple and obscure enough to let them open the email. At least they would read it. That was decided, next step would be the actual content.

• “Maybe: ‘Dude, what does it take to become one of yours?’ It’s fresh, no drills, straight to the point…..and sounds like a meth head”

Not easy at all, needed to think how to be direct, look sincere, confident, professional, and yet proposing myself for being a gruesome killer. Let’s not forget I had never killed or hurt anybody, nor I had any idea of how I would do that, and if I was able to.

• “They’re not gonna take me seriously anyway, let’s just try to be direct and polite, they’re not gonna kill me anyway”

That clicked in my head, I was going to actually contact a self-defined assassins organisation in the dark web, which was killing people around the world, asking to join them. For what I knew they were already in my system, they knew I browsed their website, they were already coming to get me. But then I thought I found their website with a normal search in a dark search engine, everybody would find them, and I found them searching for porn. Most likely they won’t reply, I thought.

That said I started working on my polite email, rather formal I’d say, explained I was interested in joining them as a hitman, or whatever they wanted me to be, not much experience but much will. Felt really upset after sending it, seriously, if I was a real badass, a hitman, I would have already my experience and I would have them introduced to me by somebody else. Surely, also, I wouldn’t be able to write a polite email, which hitman goes to school? University? Hitmen are just ignorant trash, they’ve got no respect for life, no feelings, they only know how to click a trigger and boom.

Well, no feelings, I was ready to have my girlfriend raped or killed, just to test the service, and the reason I didn’t do it was just practical, was that making me much different form a hitman scam? Thoughts were flowing, didn’t realise I had my third beer already, waiting for a reply in my webmail. It didn’t take long before I realised that it wasn’t an online customer service, live chat with the butchers’ representative, who would tell. “hello, I’m Josh, how can I help?” Damned customer service, always had issues with them, once the parcel arrives late, once it does not arrive at all, but they’re always there smiling, or what the web-chat smile equivalent would be.

That night I was just getting drunk, it wasn’t as I really was waiting for that reply, it was just a game, frightening sometimes, but a game. My whole problem was that I didn’t know what I wanted from my life, not any more at least, that’s why I was loosing myself into that deep crap of dark web: pills, drugs, software, everything you wanted you could buy, not sure if you’d actually receive it, but still, it was was a thrill.

My girlfriend raped, killed, that was a thought I hadn’t thought about before, but who else? There was tat dude, Adrian, he was a total asshole and I couldn’t stand him. I wouldn’t work with him nor stay in the same building for even a minute if I could, always there to say the right thing, or the thing the boss would decide is right. Yes, that guy could be eliminated, I wouldn’t mind that. But then what about the boss? Adrian wouldn’t be so irritating if it wasn’t for the boss, so here the next one to go. I was thinking and thinking and I couldn’t stop finding somebody else I would remove from existence. It might be that I was taken by the train, but actually there’s plenty of people, or perhaps reason for which you’d like people to go away, that I thought the market for assassinations would be really big. Was that it then? How many murders were due to somebody paying online a hitman to remove form earth random guys? Fact is I was lost into my thought when I realised that I had received a reply.

That small email, subject starting with: “Re:...”. Couldn’t believe it, the email was there, whatever was written in it they replied. Sure it must be a scam I thought, or they were telling me to back off, but still, it was there, and I was there to read it.