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RE: Silm's claw grasps the last strand of existence

in #fiction7 years ago (edited)

You can play with the sounds of the language without rhyming or using meter. Just ask Milton :). I often find the sound of very structured poetry to be contrived and awkward. I usually use blank verse or free verse myself. Poetry is linguistic music, and you can get there your own way. Whatever inspires you.

Anyways you're great with rhyming - that's what brought this up:

"...the wind had come and frozen his bones and made him tremble and shake and clatter and break."

And you do some very rhythmic alliteration as well that a Viking scald would be proud of: "Silm stared at his claw that grabbed something imperceptible in the middle of a blur. Dreams of honour undone by the death of transcendence itself."

I was struck by the beat of the syllables in several places in this piece. I don't know if you did it consciously or just naturally, but the sound is very intoxicating in places which is why I suggested working it as a poem.

BTW check out this (https://steemit.com/poetry/@melaniesaray/unfading) for unrhymed poetry. I have quibbles with some of the grammar and punctuation but this is a second language speaker I think. Just listen to the sound of it - especially that third stanza. Amazing.

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well, yes @mdbrantigham, not's my first laguage and i have so many things to improve, 'm fom Venezuela, but i'm so glad 'cause you liked my poem, thanks