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RE: A Change Gonna Come - Finish the Story Contest, WEEK 32
Thanks for the interesting and insightful comment @erh.germany... and I think you are right. The main character isn't exactly complex (or mature). With more words to play with I hope I could have made him less one dimensional but I got swept away in the first person present perspective that I was playing with and spent a lot of my allotted words in the visceral descriptions of sensation.
I'm glad to hear that the I-form flowed well and brought an intensity to the story for you. It is encouraging as that's part of why I chose to use that POV. Now I'm thinking about redrafting/rewriting this with my own beginning to see if I can build a little more on the character. Cheers for your comment :-)
Oh, this character of yours - which I perceived as exaggerated - only would have been one dimensional if the story wouldn't have changed. The contrast you put on I liked and I was delighted that you did insert several dimensions by opposing the people who were hiding to your main character, just like the end of the story.
The fact that I was inwardly angry with the man and emotionally attuned to him does not change the fact that betrayal and powerlessness offend the ego. My comment reflected my world-weariness about it and that I let myself be infected by hopelessness, although I don't want that at all. Without the strongly drawn extreme in one character, the other side would also be less noticeable, and the symbolism we use in writing represents that.