RE: The Devisal of Mr. Dankworth - My Ending for Finish the Story Week #51
Ooo now this is a fun ending. I really love how you have the normality of Kimberly's life framing the murderous plot.
The way you pick this up with that one mess at a time line sets the tone for the Dexter levels of murderous situational humor you manage here! But you don't give the game away too early on, you come in with the name tag and at first I was thinking could this be someone she was going to meet, or maybe she was about to go under cover at a diner. The moment in the lift, with the hand falling out and brushing her leg, ahhh had a good chuckle over that with my breakfast this morning, the image of her there in the lift just came across so well.
The email response is so well thought out, the double meaning of most of it, just a great touch, and then the photo of the physical list - tempted to dig out my handwriting analysis and see how murderous you were really feeling haha. Although like that she didn't murder Ian, just everyone else who might get contacted about the inheritance. This such a good story and the little details really make it, and the field full of bodies at the end, digging the final hole, had me wondering if it would really be the final hole, or if she'll end up burying any more of her obstacles along the way.
You go full murder, body in the bag on this, and yet its still light and amusing, a wonderful bit of dark comedy in this great ending <3
I loved how you two closed out the start of the story. It definitely inspired me. Right away I had the murder for money idea, and somehow knew there was a body in the bag Neelix was attracted to. I like how the rest of the story just came together as I was writing it, like I said your beginnings inspired me, and it just came right out.
The list, my initial idea was to just find an image of some notebook paper and then use my image editor to put the text in with check marks. My wife is my editor in all things, so she read the story before I posted it. In the copy she was editing it just said "List image here" followed by the list of names. She asked what my plan was, and then said, "Well why don't you just let me do a hand written list and use that?" Loved the idea instantly, and then after she wrote down the names I gave her she said, "I an going to cross them off the list instead of check marks." Good idea. She is a school teacher who has an obsession with pens, markings, all sorts of writing implements. So as she pulled out a zippered bag filled with about 20 pens she said, "I almost want to use different pens to cross them out." Again, loved the idea, and I said, "That is perfect. It adds a whole other level of psychoticness." I know it is a small part of the whole thing, but I knew that I wanted the list once I had the idea of her killing off her family, and I love how her small ideas added to the overall story.
I wouldn't doubt that she would continue to eliminate problems in her life this way. Perhaps when talking with Mr. Kent she slips up and he begins to suspect what happened, but he can't prove it. So once she gets her money she goes back to kill him and his suspicions off.
BTW - Dexter is one of my favorite shows, so the bit of comparison you added there makes me very happy. I love how the things in life we love and where we have watched or read so much storytelling from, comes through in stories we might write - even if on a subconscious level.