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RE: Finish the story contest - The Sandwich
A compassionate, thoughtful, responsible look at the person who seem like such a tyrant - and an interesting perspective: instead of spouse, the patient is an uncle. And instead of being a mean SOB all his life, he was a good, kind person before the illness took over his personality. This is haunting: he grew old and bedridden. His consciousness faded, his character became almost unbearable. Now he was only a ghost of my beloved uncle. Still, I kept making sandwiches for him. Because once upon a time he saved me. Powerful words!
@carolkean thanks for your comment!
I will try to express my thoughts now with the help of Google translator...
I don’t really like the rhetoric popular in recent years, when the main goal of reasoning is to blame the oppressor tyrant. And almost always such a "tyrant" is necessarily a man. I have nothing against feminism, but such discussions, in my opinion, have gone completely the wrong way - both in the English-speaking space and in the Russian-speaking one.
I’m interested in this. If we have a "tyrant" - let's take a close look, "why is he a tyrant?" instead of simply blaming and glorifying "victory over oppression."
So we have a "tyrant man." Was he always like that? Why did he become so? Maybe his loved ones pushed him to this? Perhaps his masochistic wife herself provoked him to such behavior, and after that she accused her husband of tyranny and aggression?
Well, or as in this story - the cause was the disease.
@mgaft1 - what do you think?)
You make a compelling point, @phil-glaz, and show us an alternative view to the popular "overthrow the tyrant" view. On the other hand...the history of women being oppressed, held back, not allowed to vote in the U.S. until one hundred years ago (and great effort made by women who were imprisoned for peacably holding signs petitioning for suffrage) - I coud go on - but in real life, I know too many women who are bound by guilt, manipulation, and indoctrination to honor marriage vows when the husband is a dishonor to men everywhere and a vermin to his wife. First-hand, face to face, I have seen it, and only a few of these women broke free. I've read book after book and there is so little we can do to persuade these captive women to get out. It's a complex topic. Maddening. Frustrating.
Thank you for reminding us that there's another side - though I believe it's seldom the case that the woman herself "provoked him to such behavior" -
Hi @phil-glaz, @carolkean,
The question about woman's rights and feminism is convoluted and has to be dealt with by having appropriate statistics rather than anecdotes and personal opinions and, honestly, for me the topic is beyond the scope of this discussion.
For me, the important part of this exercise was to understand the author of the prompt in what she "wanted to convey" and understanding of the resulting character.
A woman being a tyrant is possible. @phil-glaz and I remember the Countess Morozova, who killed her countless serfs with unprecedented cruelty on her whim. However, when we are talking about caring for a bedridden person more often than not it would be a woman. Again, it's not that there are no compassionate and patient men, but caring is more in woman's character, and historically it was more often a woman's duty and consequently, she got the lion share of caprices and psychological abuse.
@phil-glaz if you remember the place in "War and Peace" when Marie Bolkonsky was psychologically abused by her father when he read all her letters, limited her communication with her friends, and insisted on her studying math. That in no way excluded his love for her as he was a very loving father, but a tyrant nonetheless. To finish this example, you might remember how Marie was ashamed in her own thoughts because she dreamed of the time when her father will die. Again, not because she didn't love him, but because she wanted to free herself from tyranny.
I tell you to want... In 2002 I went to see my mother in San Diego and found her in such a condition that decided to take her with me to Los Angeles immediately. She lived with us for two more years and, at a certain time, I had to drive from work during lunchtime and change her diaper. Also at night, she rang the bell, woke me up and wanted me to sit next to her and just talk. In some sense that was a tyranny, a tyranny of a situation rather than a tyranny by a person. Thus, at a certain time, I thought I won't be able to take this "abuse." It was just physically very demanding. In my mind I was saying "God, when will this finally end!"
Coming back to the story, the most important moment for me was whether a protagonist indeed felt psychologically abused, which I felt she was - partially due to the situation and partially from the man's mistreatment.
Secondly, whether her character had a strong enough core to come through with the "ultimate measures", which I gaged as no. I felt she could contemplate and hope on being free from the situation, could think of murder as a theoretical possibility, but not to the point of actually premeditating and committing the murder.
What you've done is also legitimate - switching the emphasis to the possible prehistory. But hey this isn't the novel, and you have just so much space to describe what happened. )
You took care of your mother (for two years--diaper changes included!) instead of putting her away in a care facility, as Americans tend to do--you have my admiration, sympathy, and applause, @magaft1!
Phil had brought up feminism - and the 100-yr-anniversary here in the U.S. is fresh in my mind, so I brought up how much effort and personal sacrifice it took for women just to be allowed to vote. To vote! Women as property, marriage as an economic and social arrangement, is a fairly recent page in history. There are statistics. There are personal anecdotes. My point is that I know, and know of, far too many women who are trapped in miserable marriages and see no way out. I agree, murder is not the way out. It's the quickest and most final solution, maybe, but not the best one.
Love your thoughts on "War and Peace" - and wonder if you've read all of Brothers Karamazov. Americans today have little patience or time for long novels like these, but they're so rich, with so many insights into family dynamics and social issues.
Americans tend to cherish liberty and personal freedom over what's best for society as a whole. Servitude, obedience to authority, accepting our "lot" in life - not what USA is best known for!
But I'll stop now. I could go on about this stuff all day. :)
Of course, I read "Brothers Karamazov. " )))
Feminism is a complex issue. I don't think anybody nowadays is against equality in voting, quality in the job market, quality of pay, or equality in any other avenues of life. I am all for it, but I am by no means is a feminist.
I hear many feminists of the third wave talking about pay still being unequal, despite this being unlawful. I think this is a silly argument for if women would be paid less for the same work no business would ever hire a man. )))
So, I am not a proponent of "equity" measures like what Canadian prime minister Trudo did, putting 50% women in his cabinet.
For all I care, it could be 100% women, as long as they are put there by merit.
Thus, I don't support equity measures, that intend to somehow give back modern women for the historical injustice dealt with their grandmothers. This is a silly measure and, most importantly, the one that won't make women happier.
As for women trapped in bad marriages, I'd rather speak about people trapped in bad marriages, because a poor marriage is a two-way streak. If something could be done about it, it certainly would not be done by measures of government intervention. )))
Similarly, I think the step by step permission asking during the sexual engagement (can I touch your hair? can I kiss your hand? and so on) is better suited for SNL than for real life and is damaging for relationship.
I think feminism, in its current incarnation, will eventually lead to a complete disengagement between men and women, to artificial insemination, sex dolls, and psychologically damaged children.