Where does the freshness and joy of life go?

I'll be 45 this August.
My wife was already knocking on the dome in early April.
For a long time, my favorite joke was "the old woman" to my wife.
No, why?
Older than me by almost four months.
Isn't she old?)
Been a long time.
But it was...
xxx
Lyrical digression:
Sixteen years I told myself: "Shoot when I tell twenty-eight!"
Why 28, not 33 - I don't remember, was probably the reason.
xxx
From the age of 35, do not like their birthdays.
To the pathological quagmire.
Turn off cell phones so as not to read cheesy SMS, or even more so, not to answer congratulations on duty all is not lost friends.
The day of sorrow)
Looking in the mirror, remember the "past and thoughts". The gun is not even enough...
xxx
In childhood one compound smell of pine needles and tangerines could fill the all-consuming joy of the New year, even if it was another week.
In childhood vacations lasted forever, summer was soon over; and the rain that covered with the head I and younger sister and a five-gallon bucket of strawberries, which we brought on the "Shchigry" - hills covered with woods, was a joy.
Dazzling fullness of being!
When every hour is a year!
When summer-not a small, and very even a whole life...
When in early spring - plastic droppers and fire burning grass, and in the fall - three bags of rows collected by the whole family in the forest.
xxx
Youth, you miss, and MSU for about best not to tell out loud!
His secretly recall the, long winter evenings, on pensions.
Savoring every detail and bodily intimacy.
xxx
After 25 once polytelis paint.
Being the father of two children - and even at such an early age - now I would not risk it...
But it was great...
Although the New year already smelled only of pine...
xxx
At 30, I started getting fat.
Partly from behind the wheel: the wife joked that even the toilet I will not go on foot...
xxx
His children have grown, and we've been holding off on the main then...
Then the Nobel prize and Grand opening.
Now-son and daughter and their problems...
And the best-it there, then...
Then and there, because the front - the whole world!
xxx
At some point I become a whore - life eclipsed.
Gotta!
It "should" overlap of dreams and discoveries, compound odors and the "horizon line".
Need repair and two cars of black soil on the dacha near Istra.
The canines have a daughter in the father - ZNIIS everything...
A moth by the name of Sasha was flying the event horizon around a black hole by the name of "need".
xxx
It's only for women in the 45-Baba berry again...
Between 41 and 44 years of my life, I lived twenty years of hard labor and school Eden - I had to remember, after a century and a year of crisis, that not only in private business happiness.
And that I'm not a bad biology teacher.
But all this is perceived at the level of thoughts, not emotions.
xxx
Today we were preparing for the OGE in biology with the ninth-graders.
Children are different: strong and weak, interested in biology and not very.
Surprisingly, the food on Saturday morning for a lesson, broken and dark.
What for? I do not pay for it!
Drink coffee near Paveletskaya from plastic Cup, smoke.
xxx
I'm coming home elated.
They're cool, nine.
They have an endless summer that will not end even in the spring.
They have a hundred and one complex scent and nine wonders in an hour that you can believe in...
xxx
Yesterday was a short day.
Friday, Pascoli students on vacation...
I asked one seventh-grader to go from the sixth lesson - well, because may the sun and all that...
I was almost ready: the program is passed, there is a repetition, the floor of the class no...
And then the PR and gam: almost all of the students were AGAINST it!
They wanted the sixth-period biology class on Friday!
xxx
There are, rarely, but there are times in life when life stops, you stop the inner monologue and realize it's real...
Not "need", not" need", but simply - life...
xxx
And let I am now almost faded palette of coniferous smells full of smoke; I don't want to look in the mirror in the morning and there is no feeling of daily celebration; let the freshness of the event is determined by the degree of their frequency in my life - it's not important when you encounter real...
However, my revolver is always with me...
xxx
All-good Saturday night...
With you was
S. Talin misanthrope and filosofil)