A guide to survival in Trump's USA.
When the mighty orange skinned one takes his place as the living godking of America, many things will change. Prepare now, or forever suffer in his tiny iron grip.
1. Be rich
I can't overemphasize the importance of this. Donald trump and his cloned super soldiers are bloodhounds for poverty; unless your net worth is over a million dollars, you should begin digging an underground shelter right away. This is the only way to prevent yourself from ending up in the Border Wall death camps. But of course we're all on Steemit so we're all millionaires already, right?
2. Buy skin whitening cream.
The trump brand surveillance drones automatically seek out individuals with a skin tone darker than Trump's own orangey luster. These individuals are deemed to have a dangerous amount of "Ethnic Heritage", a quality which causes them to act erratically and unfairly in regards to lawsuits. They are forced out, beyond the Wall, into the irradiated wasteland past the Southern border. The "Taco Hell" as Trump calls it.
3. Buy guns. Lots of guns
Not for the purposes of self defense, but because firearms are used as currency under Trump. A few bullets might get you a soda, a run to the grocery store might cost you a 9mm (plus a derringer if you splurge on the Trump and Trumpy "Chocolate Chunk Concentration Camp" ice cream), and the down payment on a house will require you to rent a u-haul.
Here we see a young man paying for his drink.
4. Preemptively remove your extraneous organs.
As part of a program to fund his continuing land war in China, Trump has encouraged Americans to donate one lung, kidney, and brain hemisphere to the cause. He has encouraged them to do this via mandate and the implementation of roving surgery bots. However these bots, having been made by the lowest bidder, are not known for their precision or efficiency. As such, it would be wise to get these organs removed preemptively and bring them to the nearest "Organs for Freedom" deposit bin. You will be issued a receipt which you may then present to the surgery bots as proof of your patriotism.
5. Learn sign language
Thanks to integration with the Trump-mon GO! app, Trump's eyes and ears are everywhere. Many words and phrases have become illegal: "Short fingers", "Spray Tan", "Bad hair", "Bankrupt", "Empathy". Uttering any of these, as well as many others, is now grounds for summary execution. Survivors of the "Sarcasm Purge" have taught themselves a form of sign language which allows them to communicate among themselves. Their scathing insults and biting political commentary now exists in the form of extended kinetic monologues which are passed among the many prisoners working on the Wall. Trump and his security forces have yet to decipher the language, deeming it to be "some kind of gang signs, probably." The most popular sign in this language is that of a large forced grin followed by vigorous nodding. It is believed to mean "Well, at least he's not Hillary."