The wonders of being a woman: My torture session to buy a bra!

                                            

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Being a woman is not the easiest thing in the world. If I had ever had the choice to come back to earth, I would much prefer to be a man. Many women are blessed with beautiful lean bodies, but that definitely doesn't include me! Well, we can not all be perfect can we?

I feel like a plump little hippopotamus most of the time, especially when I have to buy two things.  A bra or a swimming costume.  

When I was a young girl it was easy to find bra's, but when I started to develop a little bit, it became more and more difficult. I don't like strangers touching me,especially NOT on my most private parts. 

                        

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So there I was minding my own business, when I walked past a shop that specialized in designing bra's. It was a new shop and I decided to peek inside to see what it is all about. I was in no rush, so I had time to find the perfect bra. 

BUT suddenly it was like I was sucked in there by a magical force and I stood in the middle of the shop, utterly confused! 

Here I was, surrounded by racks and racks of bra's, the thing I HATE the most in life. (No wait, there is one thing that I hate more, and that is a fitting room in a bra-shop.)

Have you ever noticed that those mirrors make you seem twice as large as you really are?

                              

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So there I was, on my way to the first shelf,  trying NOT to be noticed, but within seconds, a petite little miss Perfect jumped out from behind one of the shelves.  

"I know just what you're looking for!"  She walked away with a wiggle and little jump in her step. 

I immediately felt intimidated, and tried to turn around and walk out, but believe it or not there was someone else guarding the door, and she stared at me with glaring red eyes. 

                               

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"What the hell...?" 

I thought to myself...seems like once you are sucked in here, you have to buy something to get out. 

So there I was being held captive in the bra store! 

I sighed, while the anxiety crept up and overpowered me.  I took a very deep breath and tried to look a little friendlier. I had to clench my teeth together and managed to lift my lip so it seemed like I was smiling. I was stuck. Come hell or high water, today I will be forced to buy a bra! 

           

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Little miss Perfect- intimidater, came back a few minutes later with a stack of bra's on her arm. She was smiling and could have sworn I saw the halo around her head.   

"Come on, let's go try them on!"

I smiled at her sarcastically through my teeth, and it seemed like she flinched a little because of my vicious glare, BUT...that did not even stop her. I have met my opponent.  Nothing could drag her down, and even if I say so myself, I have the perfect glare. I once stared down an Egyptian cobra in the snake-park!

                                    

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I grabbed the stack of bra's and walked into the dressing room. I closed the curtain behind me swiftly in one movement, and took a seat on the chair in the corner. I looked around me, but there was NO escape here at all.I looked at the bra's and most of them looked pretty decent, but none of these would have been my first choice.

"But what do I know?" 

These guys are professional bra-sellers and I am just the guinea pig! 

I was just about to lift my shirt to take of my own perfect bra when the curtain flung open again. 

"Wait let me help you, you seem to be struggling."

I gave her a second firm stare, and closed the curtain in her face again.  

"I don't need help. I am perfectly capable to put on a bra by myself." 

I said, still clenching my teeth together. 

"There's nothing to be shy about. I've seen it all! " 

I ignored her and put on the first bra. It fit perfectly, and it didn't look to bad either. 

"Not a bad choice miss skinny, not a bad choice!" I thought to myself, wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt. 

 The curtain flung open again and miss Perfect skinny bitch said: 

" Oh no, this is not right. Wait let me help you with the adjustments"

It looked like a fight between a hippopotamus and a squirrel. She pressed here and pulled there, tightened a strap here and there, until my two mother Maria's were quite perky and straight. 

"That looks much better!" she shrieked with her witch-like eerie voice. I gave her a thumbs-up while holding my breath, because I could literally NOT breath now.  

She looked quite excited. 

"Come on, let us try the next one." 

She unhooked my bra and I was so relieved to be able to breathe again that I honestly did not care who touched me at that stage.  

I tossed the first bra aside and she helped me put on the second one. I regained my strength after not being able to breathe properly for a while, and pushed the mean little bitch out of the fitting room. I managed to close the curtain again, and sincerely hoped that she got the message now.   

I wormed myself into this bra, but when I put the  shoulder-band over my shoulder I had the fright of my life. My bosoms were gone. Missing in action! I finally found one under my left arm, and after searching a while found the other one stuck under my rib-cage.

This bra was black and made of Lycra, you know the stuff they make swimming costumes from...it presses everything flat.  Flat is not what you want when you buy a bra.  

I  arranged my bosom again, and looked in the mirror.  Not too bad, and it fits, or at least I can breathe properly. But then I realized that only the parts that decided to stay inside fits.  The rest of me were climbing out everywhere. I looked like a piece of clay forced into a small piece of cling-wrap. 

"Perhaps it will stretch a bit when I wear it" I thought to myself and while I stood there just looking at myself and all my extra pieces, the mean little bitch saleslady jerked the curtain open and said:

"Oh there you all are!"  

"Yes, here we all are"  I said.  

"Do you still have something to fit?" 

"I'm fine thank you. I will take these two."

The mean bitch lady sounded delighted when she ran to the cashier to ring up the sale. It was with a very heavy heart that I paid for those two bra's. For that price I could've bought a new washing machine.  

I have not warn any of the two bra's yet, because the experience is still too painful.  

Hope you enjoyed my story!