Marital Code

in #funny7 years ago

No that title is not a euphemism for something dirty. It also is not describing some boring legal mumbo jumbo about marriage rights and regulations.

"Marital code" is the language many couples speak in order to avoid others outside the relationship understanding what is truly going on. It is also a way to remind each other of an inside joke.




Pig Latin is great "marital code"... until the kids learn it.

For example, when I have reached my limit and I can no longer spend one more second in the presence of my father-in-law, I will say, "I really need to go into work to do my lesson plans for next week." That signals to my wife that if she wants to maintain the detente between my father-in-law and I, we better be on the road within 15 minutes. Anything more than that and I cannot be held responsible for my actions.

Although this system has worked incredibly well, it can become awkward if I try using it after 9:00 PM. In that case I just whisper it to my wife and let her figure out our escape plan.

She's actually really good at escapes. She even has the map of her parents' house and a list of viable excuses tattooed on her back just like the dude in that TV show Prison Break.



By the way, this was great how for one year. But after they had to escape from their fourth prison, it got a bit repetitive.

She's not bald though.

Over the past few years, we have developed another code:

"That guy would make a great dad".



Although my wife thinks he is a "great dad", even Brad Pitt doesn't understand this code.

What the heck does that mean?

A couple of years ago, I was driving to a pub quiz with my wife and another married couple. While my buddy and I chatted in the front seat, our wives sat in the back. (I swear we aren't sexist like that. It just worked out that way... but isn't that what every sexist would say? Oh no! Never mind.)

As we drove, there was a lull in my friend's and my conversation. As a result, we heard what our wives were talking about.

Channing Tatum




Look at this dude. I can't even be mad at my wife over this.

This was around the time Magic Mike 2 was released. Apparently Channing Tatum was making the talkshow rounds in order to promote the movie. Coincidentally, both of our wives (who never watch talk shows) happened to see Mr. Tatum on TV the previous night. Wow! What a surprise!

As we continued to eavesdrop in astonishment induced silence, we heard our wives recall how charming Channing was. They were also quite impressed with how witty and caring he seemed. They continued talking about how talented he is, what a great dancer he is, and how much fun all of this movies are.

Then one of them (we still aren't sure which one)said it.

"He just seems like he'd be a really great dad."



Great dad? Bwaaaa haaaa haaaa haaaa. They said "great dad"!

Simultaneously, my buddy and I lost it. We burst out laughing so hard that I nearly had to pull off the road. That may have been the biggest pile of horse shit I have ever heard in my life (and I have to listen to students' excuses for missing work every day).

We knew what they meant. Heck anyone in the world who happened to over hear this incredible meeting of the minds would have picked up on it instantly.

They thought Channing Tatum was hot.

Fair enough.

He's relatively young. He's in great shape. He's never farted in front of either of them. Of course they were smitten with him.

My friend and I are adults. We had no problem with our wives being attracted to a Hollywood star. We are secure in our respective marriages. He posed no real threat to us. So why the B.S. that they were interested in him for his fantastical parenting skills?



Although we weren't upset about their being attracted to an actor, we were quite annoyed at their insistence on lying to us... and themselves.

We playfully began berating them for trying to justify their attraction to this man.

We explained how superior us men were in this conversation. At least we were honest. When we see Scarlett Johansson, we don't say, "She's got a great set of personalities." We just let it be known that she is really hot. I'm not saying that I become crass or disrespectful to the woman in question... or my wife. If asked, I would simply say, "She's a very attractive woman".



Ahhh the hallmark of all good mothers: skin tight leather and a gun.

But I certainly wouldn't try to justify the attraction by creating some fantasy where I know her true personality and parenting prowess.

After fifteen minutes of debate, our wives' denials finally relented. We had won. We got them to admit that they thought Channing Tatum was hot.

Wait.

How was that a win?

Damn it! For all of these years I thought I had won that debate... but all I did was get my wife to say she thought some dude was more attractive than me.

Wives are smart.

Anyway... why did this come up today?

Earlier today, while we were watching the preview for the new Avengers movie, my wife leaned over and said, "I think Captain America would be a great dad."



I'm sure they are talking about taking turns changing the baby's diapers.

I know dear.

Do you have a "code" in your relationship?



Images 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

By the way, if you thought this story was funny, you should check out these funny posts that are being compiled daily.

Sort:  

Hhh funny
Nice ..These things are shared by couples that strengthen the relationship
Wonderful .. Well done

Hahahaha the truth here... having used that exact line with friends I suppose I never realized how silly it sounds until this moment. Very nice sir, fallowed and looking forward to your future posts.

hahahahaha omg no words to say 😂 best one

wives are smart 😂😂

Oh I think your wife and I could have a very long conversation about Channing. Please show her this video...
Don't listen to the words just let her watch it. LOL!

actual footage for my wife and I putting our LO down


Funny nice jujupinto85 I love Indiana jones

hahahha awesome

Can't imagine what the diaper change is like.

That second gif hahahahahaha. I needed it in my life. <3

Truly enjoyed reading this today.
I don’t have a relationship though hehehee
I have a code talking to myself when I had enough of some friends

My dose of Channing Tatum is served... with Captain America as desert. Yum

You're welcome. LOL

yeah hehe

Bro i need your help please support me and vote my posts please

LOL. I like that.

I meant to say I am not in a relationship ATM, for sure had different codes in each 🙈🤣 but the one I am codeing to myself is priceless

My Profile have many fuuny post can you visit my profile?

collaborate with someone who needs help @mammasitta @hanshotfirst

Haha this is great. These types of things need to happen in order for a relationship to add some humor, me and the lady both have our celebrity exceptions as well. Hers is Bradley cooper, while mine is scarlet Johansson

My wife and I possess some kind of marital code for example if i say a very hot woman instead of saying shes hot i would simply say youre more beautiful than her... Sounds awkward especially ib public places. Likewise when she see father material instead of saying that he could be a great dad, she simply smile at me... damm is that sarcasm anyway in our marital code we simply laugh about it@hanshotfirst!

O dear yes, he would make soooooo much more than just a good dad hahaah - enjoyed your post

LOL

You made my day with this post.

Really Channing Tatum and Capitan America could be good husbands and fathers, for meeeee (bachelor girl). Hahahaha.