I think I'm going to start trying to date stupid women. A rant.

I've never dated a stupid woman. I always go for smart women. A smart 6 to me is infinitely better than a dumb 10. I can't talk to a dumb 10. I mean, at least not about anything that I even remotely care about. I don't watch TV and I don't know shit about the Kardashians that I didn't directly learn from a sex tape. And the stereotype of the dumb hot girl really knocks my dick in dirt. There's rocks and dead bugs in dirt, neither of which are things I want in close proximity to my junk. And I'm not saying all hot women are dumb but, we all know that girl. I'd still be a virgin at 33 if that were the case. I won't even watch any kind of interview or behind the scenes stuff with porn stars I like because if they say anything too stupid, it'll ruin it for me.

But, I've grown tired of the smart women that I date looking at me all slack-jawed with their heads cocked to the side like a confused puppy trying to figure out how I still have the ball when I CLEARLY just threw it, asking me "how do you know that?" after I easily recall some 8th grade science class shit like the freezing and boiling points of water in Fahrenheit AND Celsius. It's not that they don't know what I'm talking about, it's that they seem surprised that I have any knowledge at all. It should be stated that I'm not even close to being an athlete. I smoke and drink way too much. I don't shave often enough. I'm about 50 pounds overweight. And I'm kind of an asshole. The only reason I'm able to date at all is because I'm not completely retarded. At least that's what I used to assume, but now I really have no idea what my appeal is because women being surprised at me knowing anything at all has become an infuriating trend. It's started fights. The stupidest of which involved thinly veiled doubt in my ability to bake brownies. The instructions were clearly printed, in English, ON THE SIDE OF THE FUCKING BOX, JESSICA! Sorry.

So, yeah, I think I'm going to try and date a dumb girl and see how it goes. Dumb people, in general, usually have higher self-confidence, and I think I could really use that in my life right now. It's hard to constantly reassure someone when you yourself need constant reassurance. Plus, I feel that instead of being confounded by my possession of general knowledge she'd just be happy for me. And while she's keeping up with whatever the Kardashians are doing, I'd be able to read peacefully in the other room.