If Cryptocurrency Celebrities Were Honest

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Dear gullible reader,


I have said many things about Cryptocurrency X. I might have mentioned in my semi-coherent rumblings that you should have been careful with it. In fact, I have been advising you to be both careful but also hopeful because it has potential. Really, It could reach the moons of Jupiter or crash like a rock in the depths of the Pacific and I would still sound legit. Let me explain why:

In the last few weeks, heck even years (who notices these claims anyways), I have been talking about Cryptocurrencies. Cryptocurrency X was no more or less in my spotlight than some others. In fact, I have been telling you to buy Cryptocurrency X since it was dead cheap. I told you to do this based on some vague ideological reason I might have mentioned some years ago. Nobody really remembers anyways. In reality, due to my gambling nature, I invested in so much other stuff that I have lost track. Most of them went downhill but you will never know because I only mention my wins, never the losses.

My selective presentation of the winners serve as proof both of my expertise and your stupidity. I am also sure that you won't even double check the legitimacy of my claims. I mean, let's be real here. You believe the things I say because you are too lazy to do the research yourself. Heck, in all likelihood, you also lack confidence. Nothing as profitable as helpless sheeple following your every step.

Besides my crypto-shilling extravaganza, I make sure to do periodic interviews with people that even their own mother won't vouch for them. Nonetheless, this is how I end up solidifying your trust and this is all it matters. Through them I make sure to use plenty of rhetorics and sensational narratives so I can set the stage from pretty much everything else I will shill. Heck, after that much manipulative foreplay, you could be an Eskimoo and I could sell you canned ice-cubes.

I continue to sustain my lifestyle with simple psychological tricks that are used in politics — you know, the thing we both (supposedly) hate the most. Our common enemy after all is... the government, right...?. I fight "the system" from the porch of the villa my subscribers bought. They fight from their mom's basement. Let's be real for a second. If the blockchain ever got rid of the government, I would have no evil to turn you against. My gig will probably end.

Remember. It is of vital importance to shower you with fear, distrust and delusions so I can become your daddy figure. In this way, even if I screw up from time to time, I would still have you in my grip. Heck, you are going to shill me to your friends without me even trying. I made sure of that already. I have slowly become the person that does not give a shit about you but to you I am the only one you can turn for understanding.

You can get into despair any time you wish. You are going to continue to be subscriber because you are pretty much helpless by yourself. You will continue read and understand whatever I want you to understand. I will continue satisfying your childish emotions and you will continue fattening my pocket.

Sincerely Yours,

Person X