I have discovered yet another basic skill your planet's primitive inhabitants have failed to master.
Greetings loyal followers.
My executive assistant Vera, who is number 1 in my book (and therefore number 1 in the only book that matters), has informed me that she has been inundated with transmissions from your galaxy.
It's a freaking miracle you morons have made it this far.
Apparently, earlier this week, you fools were celebrating the 40th anniversary of that ridiculous series of rebel scum propaganda films known as Star Wars.
There are only two redeeming factors of that asinine series:
The fourth installment which depicts my destroying a crappy frozen base, my triumph over the scruffy looking nerf herder, and my victory over the whiny farm boy.
The introduction of me to your planet.
You are welcome.
*Please take note of how I numbered those. That will come in handy later. Get it? Handy? Because I'm always cutting off people's hands. I'm hilarious!!!
Honestly, if I didn't joke about how dumb you people are, I might actually cry... that is if my tear ducts had not been destroyed in a freak volcano "accident".
From the plethora of transmissions crafted on the subject, one particularly ridiculous one caught my eye. It is yet another example of just how unintelligent your inhabitants are. The transmission sent by @mctiller provides even further evidence of your primitive nature.
Thanks to @mctiller 's transmission, I finally understand why your planet is so woefully behind when it comes to scientific and technological advancements.
You imbeciles can't freaking count!
Quick! How many fingers is this old sack of garbage holding up? You don't know do you?
Counting is kind of important when it comes to science and technology. It is the basis of all math. Math is essential for engineering, inventing and many other types of technology.
If you would like evidence of your planet's lack of counting prowess, please refer to @mctiller 's transmission.
Assuming 92% of your inhabitants are too stupid to figure out how to find that transmission (which is now highlighted in blue font directly above this) allow me to assist you.
Mctiller, provides a list of his "Top Ten Reasons why it (Star Wars) is the greatest movie ever made."
Typically, it is customary to rank these in order with the lowest number, in this case "1" (for you freaking dolts who don't get it), being the best/greatest item on the list.
How could anyone possibly screw that up?
Meesa numba eight!
Ok. How can anyone aside from that doofus possibly screw that up?
Well somehow this Mctiller listed "The opening" (of the movie) as the number 1 reason of his top ten.
Do you know what he listed as number 2?
Me!!!
Allow me to quote two of your greatest thinkers.
Number 2? Seriously? Clearly I am number one in every top ten list ever compiled.
I am the smartest, strongest, most powerful being in existence. How could I not be ranked number 1?
Since it is so obvious that I am the absolute best of everything, the only possible explanation is that your inhabitants don't understand how the number system works.
I should have probably guessed you have a poor sense of numbers based on the fact that even the laughable propaganda films you seem to worship start out with episode 4.
Do you know where most things begin?
With the 1st episode you numbskulls!!!
Normally, this would be reason enough to either vaporize your planet or enslave all of its mindless inhabitants. However, I have seen some potential in several of the representatives who send transmissions via steemit.
Therefore, out of respect for them, instead of ending your miserable existence, I will provide you with some valuable resources in order to help you all to master the incredibly "difficult" concept of counting.
Yes I despise both of these creatures. But your primitive people seem to relate better to fuzzy and disgusting life forms.
In the unlikely event you overcome the challenge of counting, you might be ready for some more advanced skills.
If you work really hard on the counting, you may even be able to advance to this! But probably not.
The odds of your people successfully mastering basic math skills on your own are approximately 3,720 to 1.
If you need help, perhaps we can send in The Count...
Oh wait. I forgot who I was dealing with. Your inhabitants can't learn anything without puppets and songs.
Very well.
Here you go.
Here is a little advice for the technicians in charge of steemit. Perhaps you should stop measuring everything in billions... clearly these idiots haven't mastered the single digits yet.
Are you freaking serious?
Did you ever notice
Old sack of garbage
Number 8 out of 5
The smartest your planet has to offer
I'm out of order? You're out of order!
Disgusting 1,2,3
Advanced math
Look ma! No hands!
Did you cut Luke's hand because he didn't knew how to count.
He can still count to 5...
And all you need is to be able to count to 2.
Indeed.
Are you good at mathematics? @lordvader
I am good at everything.
You were good to Padme?
Great! Then give us your thoughts on the Tezos fundraiser. It is the time to strike or just another rebel trap to steal all of our bitcoins? I like the sound of the Tezos' programming language, OCaml. That sounds like real desert power to me. However, it's equipped with parametric polymorphism and type inference and I'm still trying to figure what that means. Where's a mentat when you need one?
:))) are you sure :))
Positive.
:))
Hello! Good post! Look at this post is my art, @ausbitbank and at the same time the comment that left you
https://steemit.com/drawing/@andrianna/darth-vader-star-wars-especially-for-you-my-star-friends-steemit
Thank you for honoring me. Here is a reward.
Ha ha :) do not forget to reply @ausbitbank
So he is not upset :)
I was waiting for your article from a number of days, enjoyed a lot in last post about you crashing poloniex, and I think that was No. 1 on steemit trending post for a while, that's why I noticed it.
I was thinking that you would have made a post on yesterdays market crash, about how you have used your evil powers to reduce the prices of all the cryptos to make our lives miserable, but leave it for another time, I enjoyed you being no. 2 a lot. Try to post more frequently. I was waiting for your humor filled post.
Thank you. I am limited by your planet's technology. Sometimes transmissions are delayed due to your primitive technology.
Well, We are trying our best, If we could develop the system To transmit messages to you based on Blockchain Technology, Maybe You would not face that problem again.
I will not hold my breath... because I can't. A machine breathes for me and I am unable to stop it.
Hahahaha.
But Star Wars IV was 1st?
back then, true
Yes. Even reading that is causing me to shake my head in disbelief.
Star Wars the 1st was probably first. But I hear #4 was #1, silly humans right?
Agreed.
Be careful what you ask for. Counting leads to reading, which leads to new ideas. Next thing you know, the outer planets don't want to build your Death Star on that schedule. Cost overruns, constant rework of the cooling system and trash compactors that don't compact add up to big problems with the Emperor.
You seem to understand my idiot boss quite well. I understand that normally knowledge is power... but I have the Force so in this case Vader is power. Actually in every case Vader is power.
hahaha I'm not sure if I am going to regret following you, Darth, but I need something to brighten my days.
I assure you that you will not regret doing anything that involves me.
lord lover <3
ummm... I think he is holding up four fingers and a thumb. Did I count that right?
....
lol.
hgd!
namaste!
That is one interpretation. You may be the smartest of your kind.
A wise Man once said Nothing. ...I am not that wise Man.....
thanks for not stepping on me! oh great one!
live long and prosper!
:-)
How awesommmmme! Which episode was the very greatest? Thumbs (?) Up for this guy's fav !!
It looks like he likes #2. Perhaps he was attempting to signal "4" but he missed.
Oh. I get it now.
Not sure if you're my father or not, but I do know whose father you really are. Your inflated sense of self-importance and absolute supremacy reveals everything.
Trump is your son.
I get it now.
If the transmissions I have received are correct, that's impossible. I am the greatest at everything. He merely thinks he's the greatest at everything.
Just out of curiosity, can the Death Star weapon be modulated to just obliterate everything within 500 meters of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington, DC? Asking for a friend.
As long as I can keep my boss away from the controls, the Death Star can do that.
Crazy idea: You could overthrow your boss, perhaps literally throwing him over some railing next to a long drop of some kind, and pin the blame on that whiny farmboy.
I like the way you think. That might just work.
Here you have earned this for your loyalty to the empire.
Jar Jar is definitely a negative number. He makes everything less
You assessment is accurate. I believe his only purpose is to balance the greatness in the universe. I have all of it. Her has none. There is the balance.