I Guess it's Sunday: Let's Go To the Zoo and Not Look At Anything
At Least it's Not Cloudy Today
Sunday is not false advertising this time.
That might be the only joke I can think of today.
See that exhibit up there? Just pretend you can't see her. She doesn't know her eyes glow. Just play along.
I recommend you pretend she's not there, for your safety. The moment you acknowledge her existence is when she jumps out and starts eating your face.
She leaves everything else. You could have the most delightful looking ass on the entire planet; she will not eat it. She doesn't go there.
As your tour guide, I'd just like you to know, I lied. I didn't have to go to the bathroom. I handed these flyers out to everyone and left because the last guy who tried to talk about her ended up losing his face. This is standard procedure now.
We cleaned that mess up, learned from our mistakes, and it won't happen again to anyone who works here. You're on your own. I hope you know how to read. It's not hard to look at something and pretend it's not there. If you value your face, you'll follow directions. Please be responsible and protect your face at all times.
If she does jump out to eat your face, don't scream. Just look away and pretend it's not happening. We're not sure if that will help or not but please realize this is the only way we can test that theory.
She's been here at the zoo for about two weeks. Nobody really knows what the hell she is. The owners decided the show must go on. They just bought a new yacht and trained the apes how to do all the work. It's kind of cute. They all wear little pirate costumes, but please understand these things cost money. That's why we don't have any apes left here at the ape exhibit. All we're left with is that thing that we're not allowed to see, so don't look, or you will lose your face.
Once you're finished not looking at her and if you still have a face, please follow the trail to the right, I'll be waiting there by the tigers. Don't get too close to the cage. That male can spray urine a good twenty feet in all directions if he wants to. You've been warned.
Have a nice day.
The story you wrote with your art today reminds me fondly of SCP-Wiki. If you're not familiar, SCP-Wiki (Secure, Contain, Protect) is a collective... uh... roleplaying? wiki. It's hard to describe. It's basically a catalogue of variously "redacted" information and procedures surrounding fictional "weird things." It's by nerds, for nerds. It's a thing.
The "thing" varies in each "article." It might be some kind of living being or collection of living beings. It might be an event, a location, or an inanimate object that behaves in a certain way. Whatever the "thing" is, it gets a number.... SCP-173, for example, and a heavily-redacted, formal document on how the SCP Foundation spends its mysteriously endless resources defending us all from whatever these things would otherwise be doing to us.
An SCP author inspired by your post might have written something like this. I hope you don't mind me linking it here. I started it as a comment, but it quickly got.... out of hand.
I had no idea that stuff existed. It is quite nerdy, but whatever floats your boat. I read your version and like I said there, that was awesome. I don't mind you linking that here at all.
I encourage anyone reading this to head over to @lemony-cricket's blog and have a look.
I'm not sure how many more views I'll get on this but I hope that helps you.
What a perfect specimen she would go great in my Menagerie. Looks like a Cephalopods to me. I hope she does not mind sharing. I assure you they are face eaters as well!
She’s got my eyes and everything! As such, I’m not worried about the face eating.
I went and double check to make sure. Yep there enough room in this one for her.
Thank you for taking the scientific approach. All we have around here is a bunch of people who wear beige shorts and stupid hats while they complain about wages and the smell.
Damn a urine spraying tiger and a face eater! Are these animals or people that need to be in zoos! LOL Thanks. @nonameslefttouse
There might be hints of humanity hidden in this mess today. I thought about it as I sat here in my cage called home. Too much thinking might drive me insane though so I prefer to just go blank.
I think you are very artistic. And satirical at the same time. I'm glad my face is still on....my face.
Why thank you! I just felt like doing something strange today and I think I did a fine job of it. Congratulations for maintaining your face. You did a good job.
Thanks. It was close. I did look right at the eyes. Something about them made me want to tempt fate. But no worries. I have been practicing my jedi moves, you know, and this one didn't stand a chance against my new skilz. I am using them on you right now, and just to prove how stealthy I am, you probably can't even tell.
Fortunately for me I usually paint my face onto another person's face and then I carry a different face in the place where my face is supposed to be.
That way I'm using a different face than my own face while my own face is using a different body that isn't my body.
In my opinion, it makes the day run a lot smoother.
That and a cup of coffee.
That's an interesting approach. I'll let the owners know. Maybe we can hand out some faces for people to wear instead of these stupid flyers. Our photocopier takes so damn long. I spend my entire coffee break standing next to it. I'd rather make friends with people.
Looking at the art “I Think You Can't See Me” made me already laugh and also thinking what an idiot her.lol I think she will eat my face, I saw her. And she knows. I turned right as per your advise and this shower of smelly water got all over my face.
Don't worry. That smell goes away. There's a small water fountain with those shitty white cone paper cup things down by the rhinos. You can use that to clean up.
Great! Creep me out just before hitting bed. How am I going to sleep now?
And thanks for the notice on the peeing tiger, I wouldn't like to have my favorite pyjamas with the beaver face pissed.
Καληνύχτα (kalinixta) - Good night! :)
This is why warning labels are so important. I guess I forgot to put one in the headline though. I'll know better for next time.
Sweet dreams!
Evil laughYes, mister! Warning labels, please! :P
Oh Shit! I saw her. What do I do? I'l trying blinking. Is she afraid of overly effeminate men? "Hello Darling!" shit still coming towards me... Ok look away,
Where?
Anywhere just look
Not at her, jesus
Ok my what nice feet I have
These shoes rea
Someone get the shovel! We lost another one...
Dammit. That's the third one today...
Nice... i was going to go to sleep in like 10 minutes, now i need to sleep with the light on...
Don't joke with this... When i was 4 one of the lions actually peed on my from inside his cage, and you know what my dumbass said: "Look mommy i think he likes me!"... godamn, does someone have a time travel machine so i can slap myself when i was younger, or is that considered child abuse? I mean it is myself right?
PS- have you been playing 5 nights at freedies? Because this post really has that vibe...
I haven't played that game. By the sounds of things, I'd probably enjoy though. Maybe I'll check it out someday.
That tiger urine joke was based on real life. I was once soaked by a tiger. I'll admit it. I will never stand behind a tiger in a cage again. It was like a fire hose. I wasn't even a kid. Just some guy who wasn't paying attention at the carnival.
I guess we both had the same tragic history with tigers... what the hell is up with tigers and golden showers anyways! Let's tag team a tiger, you hold him down i piss on him, let's see if they enjoy it! - ps: I'm only joking, no one call PETA on me xD
No No No. You hold the tiger, I'll stand back and make sure it looks cool on camera.
Ok... fine just hold my beer!
I've been staring into those sweet eyes for 30 minutes. And all she does is stare back. I think we are connecting. Or maybe I've just been hypnotized. I like what happens when I scroll the screen up and down quickly. There are several pairs of eyes! There's a whole pack of them in that place.
I did the thing you said about scrolling. I haven't had this much fun in my entire life. I think I'll go back to doing that now. Thanks for the heads-up.
If I could toggle back and forth with a quick-Zoom, I would still be hypnotized.