Toilet paper woes when you really got to go ... 1 ply, Why? And Government pockets, but where are mine? Be excited to Vote!

1 ply 2 ply 3 ply why? Because I’m in need of 4ply more ply or I’m going to die, I’m just stuck in a bathroom stall is all and I’m in need of getting out of here; but first I got to wipe; and the toilet paper situation is not up to par with the situation at hand. (Jeez management team you think one single square, of crappy 1 ply thinner than the thinnest tissue like paper that is all tattered and ripped from the demonic dragon of a toothy toilet paper dispense will do the job? indeed not!) Needless to say the bathroom situation in this location is horrendous, and I don’t think I will be coming back.
My friends waiting for me at the table
“What took you so long?”
“You fall in?”
“You feeling all right?”
“You’re foods probably cold by now”
But I think that’s how I decide if it is a place I can fully recommend coming back to, (management team you must not be dropping the kids off here on the regular or you would not consent to such an atrocity in your bathroom stalls). But the real atrocity is the kids separated from their parents arms at the border and only given space bags for comfort. What’s going on America? Its starting to sound like Jews being herded on to trains and separated out on location, never to see each other again.

So no I’m not literally going to die, well maybe of embarrassment if I can’t suss out this situation of accumulating the proper amount of toilet paper in my hand to get this highly untechnical job done. (Makes me think, have they ever done a study on how you hold and fold your toilet paper and compare it to that of your IQ? I wonder)....But I’m just trying not to stress so much that I raise my cortisol levels; (Cellulite back I say, back to whatever hell you crawled out of... Cellulite? That was a mean one God)…
.ok ....RELAX...BREATH...not To deep now we’re in a public restroom after-all..at least I’m not in the squat position balancing my self in heels holding my purse between my knees because there is no clean surface or coat hooks to hang it on. No I’m wearing jeans with pockets and I got my Air Walk Dr. Martens on so yeah I got this! Right, so all in all, at least we got that going on today, yeah baby no purse needed today! I’m talking real pockets, pockets I can fit my hole hand into .. the only reason I have pockets is because I realized shopping in the men’s section is where all the real functioning pocket are hiding. But I honestly do believe that’s why there are skinny jeans in the men’s section; some fashion designers realized this female lacking pocket epidemic and decided to throw us a bone, but some guys thought that those skinny jeans were made for them because after all they are located in the men’s section right? Lol makes me laugh thinking bout this... how bout that ladies? Yup that’s where we are today 2018 no woman’s pockets, children in cages and I just want to recycle and be a Vegan. But no got to shop the men’s section for pockets and go Vote; Primaries included,Primaries might be the most important of Votes to change the situation at hand thanks for burning bras women Lib sticking up for me in the past so I may have a vote in the future, hands in the air hajalalula . lol
Goodness No pockets, tearing families apart, regardless the reason they are here Not today and one ply toilet paper, got to be doing something about this; start a petition or something, what do you think? Vote and vote your primaries that’s the best way I can participate at the moment. Maybe a petition to change the electoral college system because really?

So yeah, women need purses?... not me!! I got pockets today, but do you know how hard it is to squat in heels not pee on yourself and get it in the toilet bowl... I know this not only from my own personal experience of thighs on fire while teetering on sticks, but more from cleaning restrooms as part of the many jobs I have had over the years, yup you missed Miss. ... well I know men have issues with the aim and fire as well, excuse me Mister can u work on your aim, any bathroom assigned cleaner would really appreciate the extra effort. But I would think guys for some reason would be better at all this I mean come on.... Quick side question readers do you think your food server or Chef should clean the rest room and then come back to serve you? Not sure if you know, but this happens, YES indeed it does, or worse the dishwasher taking out the clean dishes you eat off lol not funny but I got to laugh to keep the job so I don’t cry and get fired cuz I know it’s wrong but this is where it’s at.... there is not enough help on staff to cover a job specifically for Janitorial duties at most food locations did you know? I mean you do know what ends up in your toilet bowl right?

But hey on the bright side if you’re down for boosting your immune system and eating off and out of potentially dirty E.coli contaminated items and table tops than this is definitely an option for you, but if you’re feeling under the weather and not in the mood of chancing it, all the more reason to learn how to cook and know how to properly wash your veg; One good way -after you go grocery shopping: fill up a bucket with water and add a couple tablespoons of apple cider vinegar and let it soak for 20min or so to remove all those cancerous pesticides, bugs and bacteria. So personally, I have come to enjoy dining in after working in the industry, not because I do a bad job at staying clean while cleaning, or more importantly actually cleaning to get things sanitized to meet the definition of clean, no its just the fact that I know what and how I’m cleaning, factored in with the pay scale and personalities of the many coworkers who just…. don’t feel like doing that today
-Manager to Cook “hey someone vomited in the girl’s room get a mop and bucket and go clean that up!” “And hurry up, we got a bunch of food orders to plate”
I lose my appetite thinking about it.
.... HazMat situation...Ocea? please help... maybe there should be regulations where if your feeding more than 7 people at a time there should be a straight up janitorial staff on duty for all food and beverage eat in locations, but then again maybe a livable wage for a single person is all we really need.

Ok ok if you’re still with me, back to my original story .... teetering on these skinny sticks on the balls of your feet thighs on fire all while holding your purse, and your dress out of the toilet bowl. and what the hell were in it now so let’s just go all out and applying some lip gloss mission impossible style; but we can’t forget the last and most important part of
MISSION TIDY TOILET BOWL TRANSACTION, acquiring the TP of course!!
I can’t help but think as I’m reaching to get the TP who in the hell makes these toilet paper dispensers? You ever think about that? For every 1/2 of sheet of the cheep 1 ply toilet paper ripped and deteriating in your hands does a fraction of that cost of the other half go directly in to the toilet paper dispenser creators pocket? Or Are there little toilet paper fairies inside of the toilet paper dispenser holding the other end of the toilet paper back? Are they just hanging out in side as a pass time activity like cow tipping? Holding on with their tiny delicate fingers laughing at us as we swear n cuss at the effort given to get not even close to enough toilet paper to blow our nose with?

Reaching one long arm up and into this locked toilet paper dispenser. My fingertips, my wrist now half my bloody arm is up and inside the dispenser reaching and grabbing at the 1 ply paper flapping in the wind. The TP edges Drifting gracefully away from my fingertips, with the ever so slightest air winds caused with each grabbing attempt. My efforts close to sweat breaking as the 1 ply floats gently out of reach again. (Maybe if we paid everyone a Livable wage no one would be visiting public rest rooms to steel TP, and management could consider a durable TP ply…No?)
Anyway, I’m stuck in Here trying not to hyperventilate with my pants around my ankles. (Wouldn’t want to be found like that, I think I would try n flush if I could ... or would it be better to just leave it on display just in case it wasn’t the TP fairies fault that caused the hyperventilating and it was the poison from whatever bacteria was on my plate because there is a nonexistent janitor on sight?) I can see the newspaper headlines now “Restaurant closed for unsanitary conditions one dead but hundreds saved, we thank you for your embarrassing sacrifice” O goodness I just want to get on with my day in a fresh n clean kind of way, one order of blue dream please, alcopcoc gold? Makes me think maybe the Europeans got it right with the buday I think I would like to try a budy, I wonder if their rear ends are cleaner than that of the average Americans rear end? for those of us who don’t bleach. But I think they still use toilet paper to dry? I’m honestly not sure how it works do you?

so I’m sitting there in the woman’s rest room and I’m just trying to do my best at trying-to-get-a-single-square-of-TP!!!!!!!
One rip, two rip, three rip, now I’m reaching my hand up the toilet paper shoot again to get another square I desperately need to end this unsatisfactory trip to the rest room from hell. I wipe with my one square, and then two squares, than three squares more, and it’s really not doing it. So three squares plus my three squares more, turns to a 10 square surplus, because let’s face it one square of a one ply toilet paper is not even enough for college coffee filter making material, but as it turns out, its sure as hell enough to make toilet clogging material.... Water rising up, up, and out of the toilet bowl now, shuffling feet out of the way, pants around ankles. Not really a willing choice but, drip dry it is. All due to a curtesy flush that is now being overwhelmingly reconsidered with a pounding heart. (Its not always in the best judgment to be polite all the time) Looking for a plunger…. No plunger in sight….well I do hope the extra large tip on the table is divided up accordingly because I’m getting out of this godforsaken bathroom stall before the toilet bowl fairies do a dance around me and make mushrooms grow on my shit. Don’t forget to vote people, small changes lead to big changes.