According to my mirror I am pregnant. The father is Nutella. :}}}

Just you keep on talking, for sure someday you’ll say something intelligent.

I’ll be there to catch you whenever you fall. Love, the floor.

The first five days after the weekend are the toughest.

I’m not bossy, I simply know exactly what you should be doing.

Of course you're not fat. Just grab a couple of chairs and come sit with us.

My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not.

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? DAM!

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.