McCLOGGER'S - A FAST FOOD DINING EXPERIENCE (SATIRE)

Fast food drive-thru dialogue sheds some light on fake food poisons.

Warning:  Extreme Sarcasm

Hungry guy pulls up to drive-thru at McClogger’s Fast Food.

Overbearing Muffled Voice from drive-thru speaker:  Welcome to McClogger’s, are you ready to order?

Hungry Guy:  Yeah, it’s gonna be a lot, cuz I’m ordering for my whole family.  I’m too lazy to cook, my wife is too busy with work, and I’m too cheap to take them to a decent restaurant, so that’s why I’m here.

Speaker:  It’s people like you that keep McClogger’s in business, so thanks.    

Hungry Guy:  So I’ll take an Artery Clogger number 6, please.  Does that come on the ultra-chemical loaf?
Speaker:  No, the loaf is bigger, so it costs extra.    

Hungry Guy:  Does that have calcium propionate in it? I haven’t been feeling restless and irritable enough lately!
Speaker:  Hell if I know, but I can tell ya this, it makes me fidget like mad after I eat some chemical loaf.   

Hungry Guy:  Awesome!   
Speaker:  Would you like the fries cooked in ultra-triple-hydrogenated GMO canola oil?   

Hungry Guy:  Does it have triple the artery clogging power?
Speaker:  I dunno about triple.  It’s an experimental oil that some huge corporation wants to test.

Hungry Guy:  Hey, at least they’re telling us we’re being experimented on! Usually they don’t even bother to say a damn thing!   

Speaker:  I know, right?   
Hungry Guy:  Sure, I’ll give it a shot.  Sounds tasty!

Speaker:  It is! And you can really feel the clog!

Hungry Guy:  Great! I love the lightheadedness from intense artery clogging! Can I get double processed imitation cheese product on that?

Speaker:  Sure thing.

Hungry Guy:  And could I have some extra brain fog secret sauce on the side? I dunno exactly why, but I can’t get enough of that stuff!

Speaker:  Who doesn’t love being an MSG addict?   

Hungry Guy:  I’ll also need a 20 piece fried synthetic quasi-chicken balls.  Do those have real meat in them?
Speaker:  It’s between 5-15 percent real meat.

Hungry Guy:  So between 85-95 percent filler?
Speaker:  My manager said to not legally say that, but…..

Hungry Guy:  But what?
Speaker:  I’m winking right now.

Hungry Guy:  I can’t see you.  You know that, right?
Speaker:  Of course.

Hungry Guy:  Hey, what’s this McClogger's Onion Special?

Speaker:  It’s a new menu item.  We take a GMO onion, fry it 3 times to seal in extra fat from the fry oil, then baste it with pure bacon grease, and sandwich it between 2 jumbo fried donuts.  Then we delicately sprinkle powdered sugar on top.    

Hungry Guy:  Wow! I’ll take 3!

Speaker:  That’s great.  I’ll just need you to sign a medical waiver.  It’s standard procedure for more than one order of McClogger's Onion Specials.    

Hungry Guy:  Sounds reasonable to me! 

Speaker:  Anything else?

Hungry Guy:  Yeah, 3 super jumbo high fructose corn syrup drinks.  My kidneys haven't been challenged enough lately, ya know? Gotta keep 'em on high alert.

Speaker:  Makes sense to me! Your total is 66 slave survival tokens.  Please pull forward.

Hungry Guy pulls car up to window.

Hungry Guy:  Prices sure keep going up, don't they?

Worker:  Tell me about it.  Your bill is like 6 times my hourly wage, before extortion!

Hungry Guy:  Can I pay with my face? I want to make sure this transaction gets logged in all of the authoritarian databases.

Worker:  Yes, sir, no problem.

Hungry Guy looks at phone and does cheesy grin, payment goes through.  Worker hands hungry guy 3 greasy bags. Data added to hungry guy's control file on various authoritarian networks.

Hungry Guy:  Thanks, have a good night!

Worker:  I'll try, but I won't, cuz I'll be here.

Hungry Guy:  I know.

Worker:  I appreciate you saying that with a straight face, though.

Hungry Guy:  I try. 

Thanks for your time and attention!

Just say "NO" to slavery!

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