What it feels like to be a gamer girl

Girls in the gaming world have been treated differently from males for ages. With me getting back to multiplayer games I realised that even in 2017 it is still the case. Everyone can define “gamer” term differently. For me, gamers are people who spend most of the free time (or more, if a pro) by playing games.

But let’s go back a bit. I never saw myself as a “different” kid. The only thing I knew is that not a lot of people shared my likings. Luckily, I had a great class at school, so I never got bullied over playing games or watching anime.

Right before graduating high school I discovered one particular game which became my main hobby (and still is). You probably would expect something well known and popular like DOTA2 or League of Legends but, apparently, I am not a MMORPG type. Dance game, which ironically has almost nothing in common with dancing, became my life. It is called Pump It Up and in short it is a Korean version of Dance Dance Revolution.

It wasn’t until uni that I realised that something was wrong. While most of my groupmates were enjoying night clubs, movies and everything else that students like, I have been spending most of my time in the local arcade playing Pump It Up.

But it wasn’t all. In the past two decades, I played hundreds of hours of absolutely amazing games. It all started from Resident Evil, Tomb Raider, Morrowind, Lineage ll and quickly went to Portal, Left 4 Dead, Skyrim and, finally, Overwatch. There were many more on the way. At some point board games became a logical addition to the list. Magic The Gathering, Dixit, Citadels, Pandemic, Battlestar Galactica, Terra Mystica - all of them kept me well entertained.

The most interesting thing is that within more than 15 years of gaming it never occurred to me that I am a gamer. After turning 23 and moving to London new people I met pointed out that I am a nerd and referred to me as a female player or gamer girl. But inside, I couldn’t agree. In my country term “gamer” was used to describe male players. Girls simply were not gamers, and it felt like we were just fooling around trying new things. We were never seen as “true” gamers.

The same month I finished reading a book “You’re Never Weird on the Internet” by Felicia Day. It is a story that describes how gaming almost ruined a girl’s life and at the same time led to the new amazing opportunities. All that I had in my head was “This is me. I am a gamer”. Twice a week I visit the arcade after work to train hard for future competitions. When I am tired of rhythm games, I spend a reasonable amount of time playing Overwatch (400h+ and counting).

But there was something else. The book described shaming of girls online for playing games. I must say I have been there. I remember very well the first person who tried to shame me for playing multiplayer Left 4 Dead.

“Oh, it’s a girl. You must be so ugly that you don’t even come outside”.

The whole phrase didn’t make any sense to me.

“Hey cutie, do you want to have a threesome with me and my friend?”

“You sound like a little boy”.

“Bitch I hope you get cancer”.

…and many more.

Honestly, I didn’t pay much attention. I got angry for a bit and was confused every time this behaviour occurred. One year ago I got back to multiplayers, and it happened again. It happens every week. I do not understand what makes people treat female players this way. But I strongly believe that I shouldn’t be treated differently because I am a girl. After all, we all like the same game.

There is another fact. People often added me to their friend list just because I am a girl. How could I tell? I play with my male friends, and none of them got requests from same people we had in the team. It was only me, but my aim is no better than theirs. It does feel a bit wrong.

Luckily the gaming community becomes better every year. There are certainly more females online now, and it is a great joy to play with them. I am proud to be a gamer, and I hope that multiplayer games will be a pleasure to all fans out there no matter what their gender is.