Bamboo is Bullshit: My Neighbors Do Stupid Things in Their Yards

in #gardening7 years ago

Have you ever dealt with bamboo in your yard? It sucks. My husband said it should be a crime to plant bamboo willy nilly when I wondered aloud if there were any city ordinances dealing with the blasted weed, and I can't say I disagree with him. I think 5 years hard time would be plenty for people to really think about what they have done and repent.

Looks lovely, doesn't it? I love the things that can be done with bamboo, but I want nothing to do with the living plant except to massacre it until it is far far away from my house.
bamboo - Photo by kazuend on Unsplash.jpg
Photo by kazuend on Unsplash

We bought our house in 2011 and have always known that our neighbors had a stand of bamboo in their back yard, (which they planted on PURPOSE!) and which had spread to the neighbor's yard behind us. A couple of years ago, we began to wonder if we should take precautions against the encroaching botanical scourge, but other things were going on and we did nothing.

Last year, I began to really worry when I realized it was popping up just a few feet away from the property line. Finally, the inevitable occurred and the neighbors told me a few days ago that they had noticed a few canes in our raspberry bushes (or brambles or tangles or dangerous spiky vines or whatever). SHIT!!! I will defend my raspberries, blackberries, and blueberries against any one or anything threatening to come between me and delicious homegrown fresh fruit! I've waited years to get a true crop and I will not be foiled by bamboo! I already have enough to deal with fighting the birds, squirrels, chipmunks and deer. Can't a girl eat her hard earned berries unmolested by inconvenient nature?!?

Being 8.5 months pregnant myself, I deferred to my husband about ripping that shit out of the yard pronto. I supervised while he dug up the roots. Now, I don't watch horror movies because I get a headache from screaming, but I felt like I was watching a horror flick when I saw the size, girth, length, strength, everything about these plaguey roots and the plants attached to them. What in holy hades are we gonna do now?!?

I sent out a panicky message on Nextdoor (a neighborhood social media platform) asking if anyone had every successfully defeated this beast and got back a lot of responses ranging from "you're fucked, that shit is undead" to " how many harsh chemicals and/or backhoes are you willing to use?" And in spite of the fact that I specifically said I don't want to call the zoo about it, (Zoo Atlanta has a bamboo program, but screw Ya Lun and Xi Lun - sorry endangered species, but this is serious!) several people told me to call the zoo! No one reads anymore, but that's a rant for another day.

But the story is even more complicated. The woman who lives behind us is dying. She has been in hospice for several weeks and will probably not survive this week. Her brother is taking care of cleaning out her house and selling it, which has been a very long and complex endeavor since she is a bona fide hoarder and had not let anyone in her house for years. Her yard is kind of the same way - there are at least three other species of garbage plant coming over, under, or through the fence from her yard at any given time. We never got to know her because she is a bit of a recluse and only really liked about two people on earth and her dog, who died a couple of months ago.

So, now, because I have an over active conscience, I am trying to get in touch with the neighbor's brother to ask his permission to deal with the bamboo ourselves while his sister is dying. I feel like a very shallow person indeed, but I don't want to be thrown in jail as a bamboo vigilante either. My baby would be born behind bars and it would be a mess.

Then I was telling the other neighbor about my efforts to do the right thing - the wife of the original bamboo planter - or his accomplice if you like - and she tells me she's got plans to kill a tree in her neighbor's yard, two houses down from mine. She figures she's going to live long enough for this poor innocent oak to grow big and strong and start dropping acorns on the roof of her carport like its mama, which drives her batty, but what do you expect with a tin roof on a carport in Atlanta, city in a forest? So she things her neighbor won't notice if she offs this 10 foot tall oak tree in her front yard.

Fast forward a few days since I started writing this post. I got permission to do whatever we want with the bamboo - so we've cut down around 100 of them and dragged them to the curb. We kept some for our gardening and fort building needs and gave some away as well. The neighbor behind us died a couple of days ago and her yard is less bamboo ridden, but we spent two days working on it and it still needs A LOT of work to be half way decent again. I assume the house will go on the market soon.

bamboo teepee - Photo by Samuel Zeller on Unsplash.jpg
Photo by Samuel Zeller on Unsplash

No word on the other tree murdering neighbor - although she was talking about destroying bird nests to stop the birds pooping on her car. Some people just have no pity! All of our wing mirrors are covered in bird crap because they love to sit there and do their thing, but I just figure that's part of life - living with other creatures...

Now my husband is talking about wanting to buy the deceased neighbor's house so we can control the bamboo situation. I'm not sure that's a good enough reason to spend 300k and go into debt. I'm sure the place would rent with no problem, but we should probably think it through a little more.

Have you ever been invaded by plants or animals that just don't ever give up the fight?

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Hahaha I'm sorry @orangina, I know the situation is really annoying for you but your way of writing still amused me. I like how you almost rally the whole neighborhood to look into this matter. Great job in clearing part of it even when you are so heavily pregnant. Now,
I wonder how to get the pandas to you! Congratulations on the explosion of the post, possibly by @curie :) Sending love from steemmamas 💕

Thanks! I had fun writing it - just as a sort of silly "omg I can't believe this" kind of story. Helps me get things off my chest :-)

Seems like you have been under a lot of stress, and thus frustrated.

Not sure you should blame bamboo for it though...

I wrote a long, detailed post about bamboo a few hours ago. I think maybe someday you may re-evaluate your judgement.

Yes bamboo does spread and is self-reproducing after it's cut, unless you get the roots. But it also produces oxygen and adsorbs carbon dioxide. The best solution might be to hire someone to come in and dig out the bamboo, including the roots. Cheaper than buying another house I think.

Blame development and people who plant it in residential areas, not the bamboo.

But good luck in your battle.

I totally agree with you! My post was already getting kind of long, so I didn't say how much I love the look of bamboo floors and I love how durable it is and antimicrobial. I even have a lot of clothes that are at least partly made of bamboo fibers...Maybe I should start a fabric making biz!
I doubt we will buy that house for real. Husband says I misrepresented him anyway...he meant as a rental, not as a means to control bamboo. I will check out your post! I do love bamboo in many ways, I guess I just feel betrayed by it :-)

Yes, bamboo is the gift that keeps giving, when it's in the right area. It grows so fast and spreads. Not so nice if your yard is overwhelmed with it I guess.

Wow, that one neighbor sounds like a jerk—bird crap on your car is not worth murdering birds over, come on!

If buying and renting the house next door is feasible, would you consider it? It's a little extreme just to get rid of the bamboo, but it might be a nice investment for your kids and future. On the other hand, it could be a lot of work... Well, let us know what you decide!

Well, my husband says I misrepresented him - he did say, hey we should buy this house while he was cleaning up the bamboo, but I guess I extrapolated because he says he didn't mean "because" of the bamboo... but whatever! Ah yes, We talk about all kinds of investments, but we are ultimately big chickens about going into a lot of debt because we like being able to travel and eat good food and things like that...
And it would probably be a lot of work - especially the yard!
But who knows! Thanks for stopping by!

Haha, okay! Travel and good food are also pretty nice, so I can't blame you for that. 😊

I don't know much about bamboo...but I had no idea it could take over like that! Recycling the bamboo seems like a wise short term solution to keep it from strangling your garden...but you can only cut it back so many times. Sounds like you need a hungry panda! :D

Yes! I'll just call the zoo to send the pandas over here! They do that with goats to clear out underbrush along streams and things like that. We had about 50 goats in our neighborhood park last year just munching away at all the debris. It was pretty cool!

I wish I were close by, I could use some of that cut down bamboo for projects! I never knew they were such a nuisance weed, though. Guess I wont be planting any, lol.

I would happily give you as much as you want! Bamboo is great as long as it's not growing in your yard :-)

why thank you! :D

I am surrounded by Brazilian pepper.

Well, I just googled that. You live in Florida? or Brazil or Paraguay? I don't think we have that in Atlanta, but we do have a lot of garbage trees that put out one million seeds per year and every single one sprouts...What a scourge! Can you get rid of it by any means?

Yup, Florida. Talk about your nightmare root systems!

Congratulations @orangina!
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Thank you! I have never had a post do this well before and I can't believe it!

Bamboo is truly a gardeners nightmare. I have been trying to eradicate goutweed for a few years now. I feel your pain! Good luck!

Thanks! Gardners just have to have constant vigilance! Even without invasive species, there's always something to do - part joy and part tedium...But the potential rewards are worth it :-)

Resteemed your article. This article was resteemed because you are part of the New Steemians project. You can learn more about it here: https://steemit.com/introduceyourself/@gaman/new-steemians-project-launch

lol really poured out your bamboo dilemma here. To think that we're considering planting bamboo on our homestead. Not that noxious bamboo you have (running bamboo) but a clumping bamboo which is better behaved bamboo.