Breaking the Habit Tonight
We've all heard that edgy song from Linkin Park (but for those of you who haven't please feel free to enjoy this first to see where I'm coming from --- video is down below this entire blurb).
What I'm about to describe is a 1st world problem, but it's one that I've been needing to deal with for a long time. I'm going to do that now, as a member of this community, because I think I will become better for this and my community will be better for this.
Like many of you out there I didn't have the most ideal childhood or family situations. One particular trauma sticks out in my mind: when I was 11, my mom was working 80 hours a week to "save" the house. My deadbeat father had left us and my mom was struggling to afford the mortgage on the home they had bought 5 years prior. Well...one day after school the doors were locked. Foreclosure. I essentially lost 90% of my childhood stuff and it's safe to say that many of my actions have been driven by the scars of that event from 2001.
I think that experience led me to hoarding tendencies and greed. The truth is that I have longed to be seen as generous and benevolent. I was a greedy hoarder. But no more. I'm dealing with the irrational attachment I feel to the accumulated "stuff" that I have. I have a dream to own 100+ acres to build a perma-culture farmstead. I'm converting a lot of the stuff I've hoarded into cash by selling, trading, etc. So that deals with the hoarding.
As for the greed. I want to better this community, so I thought of an idea I'd like to try out. I am going to be giving some of my things away to members of this community. You see, it's still difficult for me to part with my things. The irrational emotional attachment is quirky. However, I can trade away my things or gift them away as long as I know something will come of it. So here is how this works:
I am asking my community for emotional support and guidance. In exchange I will give back to my community. When this post gets to 50 comments I will select another community member to receive something from me. I will merely ask in private for your address and send you something of value to me. And for every 50 comments additionally I will select another community member to receive something from me. I've longed for belonging and this is an opportunity for me to be blessed by my community while pouring out blessings into my community.
That's it. No gimmics, no bull shit. Just straight up healing I've needed for a long time. I'm not like a nasty hoarder like you see on tv...I just have a lot of stuff accumulated from the last 15 years (video games, movies, cd's, toys, books, random collectibles, etc.) that I need to let go so I can move forward.
There's no telling what you'll get because I haven't even set things aside yet. So if you're up for a surprise, please feel free to participate. :)