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RE: My apology to the irc/freenode Gridcoin community
I wish these kind of things were discussed in private personally but when you cant shrugs
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Have a nice day. :)
I agree and wish I could but it is impossible to do when you are shunned/banned and out casted and ostracized from the community. Also it was directed to a whole group and not limited to the 100's of people on IRC only it was to the 1000's of people our team consists of (over 6000) so it was and is an apology to everyone.
After being attacked yesterday on discord and feeling like I am walking on thin glass always and have to tip toe around and the admins are just waiting to ban me let alone when done in private I am taking abuse that goes against the !rules from mods and in private they can abuse me more and harass and belittle me with nobody seeing and get away with it and in public and in front of everybody act like my best buddy and some of them do when we are together in the hangouts , I know I am not the only one.
This is and was the best medium to say it and as I said I would rather not ban evade on an IRC network in order to feel like I am part of the team and not as I have been called many times " the black cancer of Gridcoin " I have feelings and emotions and things hurt when they are said by people you consider friends.
I really like the community and do not feel welcome and like I can participate and be part of it. I was just diagnosed with Lupus Nephritis and have been bed ridden with tubes coming out of my body in order to stay alive and in order to flush toxic chemicals from my body. Gridcoin and Boinc actually saved my life a year ago , being able to be a part of the community and being there to help the new people setup and sync their wallets gave me something to a do instead of just watching TV as I rot away with no point or meaning to my life.
I miss being part included and part of things and I am sick of being attacked even when I compliment the person prior just because someone personally hates me.
I get PM's from people whom are scared to speak up , such as how new users feel like they are forced to join the pool due to the big deal and focus on staking and I am not afraid to voice things and it upsets people especially the whales or people with large magnitude whom earn lots of Gridcoin and I refuse to out the people I speak up for and stand up for , I hope in time they can use their own voice and I hope they have my back and will support me in this effort to make things better. It's not required or expected , I will always stand up for the person with just a phone and laptop whom is happy with their magnitude of 2 earning .2 GRC a day if that.
I do see where voicing issues in the general chat can turn off and push away new users especially when they see fighting and it pushes them away from helping us all make this community grow , but private conversations and private channels and multiple chat mediums like CCT/steemit/slack/telegram/irc/facebook/twitter/medium.com ( i am willing to give user Gridcoin to anyone whom wants to market and post there too ) makes it feel like everything is done hush hush in back rooms and that is not how things should be this is an open source open community project and everybody should not only be included but feel included.
What I said was derogatory , racist and slander negatively attacking peoples choices and ways of life sexually and I wanted to make sure that my apology was available to anyone and everyone offended or not because it came from my heart.
After being attacked on discord yesterday I wanted to do the right thing and try to clear things up. I do not have an issue or dislike any of you , we just have a difference in opinions and views and that is what makes us human and is part of being human.
Like I said I know it doesn't change a thing , I know I am still an outcast and will continue to be banned and attacked I accept that and expect it. That is the choice of our " trusted community leaders " but I hope it makes at least 1 person I offended feel better , then I have accomplished my goal. I could not private msg everybody and just say I am sorry , and I felt that the global language barriers needed to be addressed because text does not show feeling or emotion let alone empathy and compassion . This was more than an apology , this is and was my heart being poured out in an attempt to make team Gridcoin into a real functioning non dysfunctional team or even a family that feels like a group of people working together and not against each other trying to reach the same goal , helping the sciences and distributed computing community , block-chain communities and growth and development .
I have always offered and always will offer my help and services in any way possible. That help may not and will not always be the help people expect or want and it may piss people off but I always have and always will have the best of intentions even if it does not feel like or look like it to everybody.. You cannot please everybody all of the time and I value your feedback and appreciate your input and comment and wish I had another way of going about it but I do feel that this was and is the best medium and social platform currently for this and I hope it gives better understanding that we all are here for the same reason and that we can find ways to work together and be a team... Being an IRC shell host of 3 decades and having racks of servers in multiple local data centers let alone many outsourced VPS's and numerous almost unlimited access to 1,000,000+ domains I did not want to go about it causing more issues by ban evading and trolling and using up ipv6 /48's having 65536 /64's as I said each consisting of 18,446,744,073,709,551,616+ ip addresses let alone waste my own ARIN/RIP allocated ipv4 /27 just to try and apologize and cause more issues on freenode its a place that I love and support whole heartedly. I would rather get on to hosting a BOINC project with my resources and trying to help and provide services vs trying to destroy something I am passionate about and that is Boinc and what it provides to the world.
I have had a very bad experience for the year and a half I have been part of team Gridcoin and I came from seti|koa and do not speak a lick of Korean and wish we could be more of a team like they are or like the Asus PC Master Race or Overclockers.net teams helping each other and instead of shutting people out because of their differences mentally or how they go about trying to help not being the way others would and be more accepting and I cannot take any more abuse I have hit my breaking point and literally feel like taking my own life with a letter for the police to look threw the logs of abuse I have taken from Gridcoin and the members of our team and " trusted community leaders " whom are forced on us to trust. I am sorry but I do not even trust my own mother let alone a bunch of people on IRC or any social medica platform , I could go on endlessly with ideas on how to make things better but have been shown that although we are all equal as this is an opensource open community project my voice is meaningless and my opinion let alone my voice is something that gets shut down , ignored and insulted and I cannot take the mental and verbal abuse any longer. Not to mention ideas and projects taken and stolen from me red handed such as the Greylist originally called " The Project Jailing System " that I discussed and worked months on while being sick , that is half ass manually implemented and I have written in detail and discussed multiple times over the last year and a half in the hangouts via mumble.
I would like to revive and continue my project where I took the time to port the gridcoinreseachd client to PowerPC64 GNU Linux with Ravon helping on the final touches and now have Sun Microsystems and Dec Alpha machines along with MIPS and would like to port our client over to those as there is an excess of Unix machines and hardware that people have laying around or cheap access to and I will add SGI and possibly HP-PA RISC to the mix as that is the world I come from here thanks to Boeing being in my backyard and with the freetime of being both disabled and retired.
The Power series CPU went beyond Apple and is used in IBM blades and they are up to the POWER 9 series https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/POWER9 , as what would be G9 if Apple did not go Intel , and Sun still uses their UltraSPARC IV+ CPU's along side AMD Opterons. These machines all have different flavors of GNU Linux such a Debian/Ubuntu , Slackware , Centos , Nexenta OpenSolaris along with FBSD and limitless others and I would like to see working source code to compile and run the Gridcoin client on and think we are missing out on the ability for expanding Gridcoin where people whom have these machines may not be able to BOINC on them unless PPC64 and compiling BOINC as a PS3 and only 1 project yoyo@home is left to support that , but they still could run the Gridcoin blockchain and expand the Gridcoin network itself.
I hate to sound cheesy in a world of " POUND not hashtag " but #cantwealljustgetalong