Managing All My Squirrels

So the thing with Burnout Recovery is that it's good to spend energy when you have it without going overboard and over-doing it. One thing I learnt early on is that I would get sick if I did overdo it. So I learnt my limits. As I've been healing and recovering, I've been gaining a bit more energy here and there, so I readjust to my new limits and levels.

Okay, so what does this have to do with squirrels? Recently, I've been able to do much more than before, yet still a lot less than many years ago. As some of you know, I have 2 active YouTube channels, I'm planning things for Dtube, I'm active on Steemit, I'm preparing a book launch (and everything that's involved with that) and I'm working on a short film. Ooof, that's a lot. I always make sure I have a backlog of videos filmed, edited and uploaded way in advance so that I can focus on other things for a time. I take a few days to a week to go intense on one thing, and so far I have not fallen behind...until now.

The other night I dreamt I was at my mother's and there were squirrels building this huge thing on the side of the house near the raspberries. So I went inside to grab my camera and I started filming them. When I stepped back out, they had moved to the front of the yard, near her roses and hibiscus tree. I was walking at a fair distance and then I heard one squirrel yell out: "Okay, now!" AND THEY POUNCED ON ME! All of them. They latched on with claws and teeth, everywhere on me. My whole body was covered with squirrels. I wasn't sure if they wanted to hug me, attack me or eat me. And then I woke up, after going "uh, ah!"

So squirrels build things, they plan ahead, they make reserves. So coincidentally, I had NO reserves of videos when I dreamt this. They were building something pretty big, so maybe I have big ambitions and I need to place things one small piece at a time, slowly and meticulously, without rushing, like the squirrels.

The second dream came a couple days later. There were squirrels in open pipes and vents at some dorm I was staying in. I've never stayed at a dorm, so it was weird. I was in my room, and they took Rosie, my pink hippo, and I had to go after them to get her back. Although the squirrel had her in its jaw, she was only a bit dirty and otherwise unharmed. I hugged her and woke up. Woke up with Rosie in my arms lol since I sleep with my four of my main plushy gang. I hug them and Frank hugs me ;)

Squirrels also represent home. Home is comfort. Rosie is comfort. This dream clearly means stepping out of and expanding my comfort zone, which I am doing a bit more of now. Aside from managing all my projects, I'm also healing my anxiety, burnout and CPTSD. Rosie is in my home, my comfort, she was unharmed, meaning that it's ok and safe to step out of my comfort zone. I've not been able to expand too much yet, especially because burnout prevents me from having the necessary energy to push my limits too far, but I've been able to push my limits a small amount every now and then, a bit more every time.

So now you understand where all the squirrels come from. I've been feeling iffy and I panicked a bit, fearing feeling ill for the events coming up. Saturday we're doing a triple birthday do for my brother, Frank and Frank's uncle, with the whole family at our place, and then next week I'm tutoring the kids an intensive English week. I want to be in shape and healthy so that I can show up for others and for myself the way I need me to show up and the way they need me to show up: happy, healthy, and with enough energy to be productive and efficient.

All this is why I have adopted my new expression "Managing all my squirrels."

I was a bit afraid to go for a walk that day I had dreamt of the pouncing squirrels and after a few hours I was good to go for that walk, and the kids had a good laugh about it with me. I need to manage my squirrels better lol Well, I've got that backlog done for channel number 1, I just need to upload them all.

I'm grateful to the squirrels for alerting me about the necessity for me to readjust myself and to perhaps take a step back and do a bit less so that I can have more energy to do it all, and to certainly do less at once.

By the way, I prefer to think the squirrels wanted to hug me and some of that Binky love :p