My dark place

I can't believe how one minute you can be fine, the next you can slip into something so dark.

As you know I'm on a mission to lose weight, 4 stone 4 lbs lost, but I also get hit by depression and anxiety. I have never felt so alone and lost, I have family and friends around me, keep saying Hi, how's you? and all I can say is I'm good - I'm fine but deep down I want to tell them how I really feel. It's easier just to cover it up, I feel I walk around with a veil over me.

Walking to school to drop off my 5 year old daughter with a smile on my face, not showing her how I'm feeling, wanting to lock myself up . But I know life goes on and won't stop for the way I'm feeling. I make it to school, all good - I wave goodbye and smile. I turn to leave on my own, my heart pounding feeling sick, no one knowing the anxiety is coming for me. I exit the gates, holding my head up as much as I can, tears coming, trying to stay strong. I know I can make it home, it's only a street away. I get closer to home and the tears running down my face, I take a deep breath and pull a hanky out my jacket, quickly wipe my eyes and blow my nose focusing on getting to the front door in one piece. I did it! I managed to control the darkness that flooded around me.

Knowing how I feel, I keep telling myself Pull your self together, stop over thinking things, you'll feel better tomorrow - it won't last. After a few days I can see the light, I keep thinking positively, and finally today I do feel a lot better.

Positive thinking helps me, also positive people around me.

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