How I really quit smoking (1year+ free) -- this is not a howto guide--

Yea, this is not a how-to.
Rather I feel like sharing how I really quit out of my own personal will and what convinced me to do it. 

So I was smoking up to almost 2 packs a day prior to quitting; was a smoker for about 10 years and had a few breaks, the biggest one being a 6month quit.

I wanted to quit, I just couldn't help myself.

Every single time I managed to somehow quit something happened and I always found refuge in anger or grief which ended up lighting a cigarette. 

Until about a year ago in early summer when one morning under a considerable hangover I decided it's time to go to the gym (had a 8 month gym break) and start working out again.
Went, worked out, decided to walk home in the middle of the day somewhat exhausted from the workout and also from the heat. Got a heat-stroke. My head was really hurting. Decided to have a cold pint. Bad idea. 

Got home, fried some greasy chicken drumsticks. Ate all of them. Started feeling a little over exhausted. (been firing a cig every 20-25 mins on average).

And then my heart felt like it's going to collapse and explode in my chest at the same time. 

I struggled alone by myself for almost 15 min (as far as I could tell). Since I couldn't sit or stand (especially stand) and was mostly crawling trying to figure out how to find a spot in which my chest would relax and give me some room to breathe I decided at some point with the little strength I could muster and literally terified of death to call my girlfriend and my mom and asked them to come cause I was feeling really bad. They arrived as fast as they could but they still took about 20 mins to get to me. My girlfriend didn't really know what to do at first seeing me like that but mom called the ambulance immediately. 

So the guys came, hook me up to a device with sensors attached to my chest with wires and suction cups, put some oxygen tubes in my nose and handed me half a syringe to blow in.
I literally thought I was done for. I remember clearly thinking this is it. Anything any any other kind of trauma and pain i've experienced before were all external factors. This time it felt like my very core was shaking to the ground and it shattered any kind of illusion of strength and self control. 

The feeling of impending doom is what I could best use to describe: Blackness and overwhelming sadness, sorrow and everything about them that nobody ever wants. Like grabbing hold with all fading strength to the shore of a black void, not having the courage to look at it, not having the need to, because you feel pulled by it and you can't deny it.

Anyway, that eventually ended. Nurses managed to calm me down and stabilize my condition and I could finally after an hour an 20 minutes, relax. Let my hands and feet get some much needed rest cause they were crawling like snakes in agony for a long time. 

At the hospital they took blood and hooked me up to more machines and were literally stunned when they were confirmed that I did not ingest any illegal or experimental drugs or substances. My cholesterol was high, my oxygen levels in the blood below 40%, my heart experienced a tachycardia, at a rate of 210 bpm. I was suffocating my whole body intoxicating it with smoke and excessive fat foods. And attempted a physical effort I was not prepared for. And had I been overweight (cause I'm somewhat skinny) I'd been dead - What they said.

So I decided I am done with smoking entirely. And so I am. A year later, not only done with smoking, but also done with fast food. And excessive fatty food. I cook by myself for myself and my friends/family and I actually wrote a piece on the importance of cooking right here on steemit.

The biggest problem in my recovery wasn't the physical body but the traumatized mind. Regular checks at the hospital confirmed I am "perfectly fine" probably due to a previous 10 year period of vegetarianism. Talking to specialists and to people in general about it helped tremendously. 

And then to my surprise (i'm 31) I noticed people younger than me (17-23,24) have similar issues (heart skips beats, freaks em out for 3 4 seconds, they ignore it and continue, just like I did, attributing it to a simple magnesium /calcium deficiency, when in fact it was much more complicated than that). 

To those of you who read this, if you ever noticed heart palpitations, be smart. A kick in the ass is a step forward, but not everyone survives it. If you can't help smoking, drop any delusion of sport and fitness. Yeah, grandpa used to smoke and he was strong at 80 you might say; sure, but grandpa didnt live in a big city of 2017, didn't eat all the garbage most do today and grandpa didn't drink all the poison most drink today. And probably had fresher air to breathe and probably not a desk-job. So grandpa was so called fine puffing a cig at 80, you won't be. 

Go to your doctor, get tested, see what you're deficient at, check your heart and veins and everything they can think of or it will get so bad that you won't be able to climb a few stairs without feeling like you're about to pass out.

Ok ok, so what's up with me now ? I'm fine, lab tests said i'm doing super ok, I can run, like in cardio, i can bench-press, plank, etc, gained muscle mass, finally re-gained normal sleeping patterns (was afraid to go to sleep, go figure that) and let me tell you, if you sleep well, almost half the problem is fixed magically. Sleep, I figured, is a crucial part of the regeneration process. And most people I know have trouble sleeping or they'd just rather play a game, read a book, watch a movie till they literally drop over the book/keyboard etc.

But but but, Wait what? an ex vegetarian who smoked and then ate fast food ? Yeah, but that's a story for another time. 

:) the only thing your body craves for is not in the cigar/cigarrette. It's in the body already. It's called dopamine. It's the thing that your body creates as a response to the traumatic assault of suffocation/asphyxiation (when you breathe in the smoke). It's the only thing your body can do so you don't have a breakdown right then and there. And your mind is tricked into associating that relief with the very thing that causes the trauma - the cig itself.
For those of you who want to quit, get your shit together.
For those of you who don't, get it straight to your head : stay away from physical effort and at least do frequent medical exams to balance your mineral intake (that cig smoke helps to flush especially when mixed with the oh so indispensable coffee) 

PS : I don't drink coffee at all, not now, not before, had nothing to do with the traumatic experience, I just don't drink coffee as a principle because no matter how weird you may think I am, I tried it and found it utterly disgusting (been offered the best creme de la creme by connoiseurs)