Condom Etiquette; The Dos and Don'ts Concerning the Use of the Rubber

Just so we’re clear, if you think you’re about to read a piece that’s going to have you tugging on your member or inserting certain things into certain places, please understand that that’s not going to happen. There’s nothing sexual about this piece. Okay, that’s a stretch. There can’t be talk of condoms without there being talk of sex but to the best of my ability, I’m going to ensure that any talk of sex is purely out of necessity.

This introduction is going to leave you thinking that I feel sex is a taboo topic and should be
rarely talked about unless it’s highly necessary. This opinion you would have formed by now is wrong. I think sex, like any other activity humans perform should be talked about openly and freely. It’s one of the ways to ensure that teenagers are not just doing it indiscriminately. That is another article for another day. Today, let’s talk about condoms.

Trying to define what a condom is seems very silly but I shall anyway. I make it a point never to assume and so I’m not going to assume that you reading this piece know what a condom is. A condom is a piece of rubber that is worn by both men and women alike to avoid STDs and
pregnancy. The source of that definition is the dictionary in my head. Some people are not even aware that women wear condoms too. Some people have never even seen a female condom. To say the female condom is not quite common would be a guess on my part. I have no statistical data to support this claim and so I shall not make it. Anyway, to every extent to which it is applicable, everything herein discussed refers to both the male and female condom.

Just in case you were wondering, this is what the female condom looks like.

Everything which is used has etiquette for its usage. There may not be written down guidelines concerning the topic but there are certain things that everyone would know to do or would know to avoid doing. This same rule applies to condoms. Unfortunately, the etiquette for the usage of condoms is not something that is adhered to.

Most of my friends are boys. I hang out with them and they tell me a lot of things. They don’t recognize the female part of me sometimes and tell me horrendous things, just as if I were one of them. It was the listening to of these things that inspired the writing of this piece. They could be lying about it but then again, if it were impossible, it would not be talked about. The fact that they are talking about it means that they have done it before or have at least thought about doing the things they are talking about. I was absolutely horrified when I listened to some of the things they said.

Let’s talk first about when a condom should be used. If you’re having sex and you absolutely do not want a baby, unless the woman you’re having sex with has an IUD, is on the pill or you’ve had a vasectomy, please use a condom. It is very important. Most people decide to just pull out but, coitus interruptus is not a very reliable way to avoid getting pregnant. Even the condom itself could break but there’s a higher chance that a condom would protect you better than pulling out. If you have multiple partners, please use a condom. Even if you have just one partner, use a condom. You cannot be sure that your partner is sleeping with only you. You could contract a disease.

Let me attempt to make you understand my point better. Let’s look at a hypothetical situation. You have a girlfriend with which you have sex. You trust her explicitly and don’t think she’s cheating on you. She’s the only person you have sex with. Your girlfriend sleeps with say Kofi. She loves you and all and doesn’t take Kofi seriously. He’s just a quick bang when you’re not around. Kofi sleeps with Akosua because she’s easy and with Esi because that’s the girl he actually feels for. Akosua is easy and so has many partners. One of such partners is Kweku, who usually hires escorts when the urge is too strong and Akosua isn’t around. One of such escorts is Lucy who has untreated gonorrhoea. This could go on and on but you get my point. You can never be too sure that your partner is faithful to you and you alone. Be smart, stay safe. Wear a rubber.

If your penis is not erect, wearing a condom is going to be problematic. It will be hard to roll the condom on. The thing is, why wear a condom if you aren’t fully erect? If you want to get in some practice, use a banana or a plantain or something. Quit rolling rubbers unto your flaccid member. What would you be doing with the condom once it was on?

Most of my guy friends say stuff that imply that they tear the foil packet with their teeth. In Love Don’t Cost A Thing, Steve Harvey teaches Nick Cannon to never use both hands in opening the packet. He should use one hand and his teeth. I don’t know what you would be trying to prove by using your teeth and just one hand. It’s not like it would bring the woman to orgasm. Tearing your packet with your teeth could rip the condom. Your teeth could also create a very tiny perforation which you won’t see and thus wearing the condom would be pointless. Semen could still pass through without your knowledge. The purpose for which you wore the condom would have been defeated.

Do not use a condom past the expiration date. I overheard someone say once that rubber is
rubber and whether or not the date of expiration has passed, it could still be effective. Well,
here’s the thing; using a condom past the stipulated date increases the chances of breakage. An expired condom is more likely to break than an unexpired one. Also, avoid using oils on your penis before using a condom. Oils are likely to degrade the latex of the condom and cause it to break.

I read some material that said that a female condom can be used multiple times. I do not know the extent to which this claim is true and so I shall not assert it. Let’s talk about something of which I’m sure. If you’re using a male condom, do not use the same condom twice. Firstly, it is just plain disgusting. I mean, how can you wear again the condom with your semen in it? Like don’t you have a sense of disgust? You might rinse it out before you use it again but you have to realize that water is not a lubricant and thus you’d have problems with friction. Oiling it yourself could cause the latex to degrade and break. Don’t be stingy. If you feel you’re old enough to be having sex, you should be equally able to buy condoms commensurate to the number of rounds or times you’d like to have it.
If your condom rolls off in the middle of sex, it’s perhaps because you didn’t roll it on fully or because you bought one that was too big for you. Size matters when you’re buying condoms. Most are pretty standard but some companies make “king sized” condoms. In the event that the condom rolls off, please wear another one. The pliant body that was under you or over you is not going anywhere, unless of course you’re lousy in bed and she already wanted to leave. Keep a spare condom nearby just in case the one you’re wearing slips off. Some people might wear the old one again. I have no idea whether this is wrong or right and I shall make no claims. I conducted a survey whilst writing this article and majority of respondents were for wearing a new one or wearing the old one again. The odd participant or two said he’d continue raw. Please if you wanted to go raw, why did you wear the condom in the first place? Stay safe. Put on another rubber after your rubber slips off.

Now to the part that actually made me write the article; disposing of a condom. During my
survey, I gave the options of throwing it in the bin, letting the partner take care of it and flushing it down the toilet. Most participants said they’d throw it in the bin but I was surprised that quite a large number of them admitted to flushing it down a toilet. When my friend says that was how he disposed of his used condoms, I thought he was pulling my legs or something. This point was the reason I conducted the survey in the first place. I was hoping it wasn’t true. Please do not flush your condom down the toilet. In the first place, the chances of it going down are very slim. You’d end up having to put your hand in the toilet bowl to retrieve it. That’s very disgusting. The second thing is; even if it goes down, it’s most likely going to block your toilet. You’d have to call a plumber and incur extra cost for a few minutes of pleasure. The proper way to dispose of your condom is in the bin. Tie it up, so that the semen doesn’t drip. Then drop it in the wastebasket.

Do not leave it on the floor to deal with later. You could wake up later and slip on it, hit your head and wind up with a concussion. Also, that is just gross. On an episode of An African City, the man just removed it and threw it up, literally. He didn’t care where it landed. You should not do that. It would only take you a minute roll the condom off your limp member, tie it up and drop it in the trash can. There’d be enough time for cuddling
after that.

I hope this article has been eye opening for you. Using condoms is one of the many ways to
prevent pregnancy and one of the few to prevent STDs. It is not a hundred per cent effective however. The best method is and always will be abstinence. Stay safe, wear a condom. Or stay safer; abstain. Always remember to keep doing you.