APATHETIC- A STATE OF SHOWING NO INTEREST, ENTHUSIASM OR EMOTION! (1)
photo credit: google
I have really learnt how to bury my feelings. Maybe not buried, but I don't know what emotion fits where. It hurts but I don’t know how to react anymore, like if I get bitten by a snake, what should my emotion display? If I see a friend die, what emotional display would fit such situation?
Steadily, slowly, but steadily I have learnt how to not let emotions control my attitude, instead I learn to use my head, that is, I learn to think instead. Sometimes my rational judgement passes me off as cold, sometimes it's "just there."
Like right now, I don't know, am I angry or just sad or indifferent?
I would like to be indifferent, but I don't know how that feels anymore.
I don’t know if you get my point either.
Hmm. Okay help me help you put this to rest, how am I feeling?
The day was good, we hurriedly got to the house - his house, cause we needed to get something done, we needed an extra gadget that we do not have, so his house was the only option we had. After all the stressing in getting the work done, we had planned to stay the night. Just one night. I always love his company, even when we don't say anything to each other, I love that he was around, or at least that I was in his house, probably wearing one of his shirts right now. That night went smooth as usual, I cooked, I am not a perfect cook, but I can cook a little above average, and cooking for him was one thing I somehow now enjoy doing, I'd sit in the kitchen all through the cooking just to make sure its all perfectly timed.
Maybe my obsession is as a result of the fact that he told me about his girlfriend's nonchalant attitude when it comes to cooking for him, or maybe its because one of my most favourites of hobbies is actually cooking. Whatever the case is, I'm glad he likes what I whip up.
The next day was "go home" day. But I didn't really want to go home, and at the same time I really wanted to. I didn't want to because I'd miss him, yeah, but I wanted to because lately I've been afraid of being around him too much, so much that he'd get tired of me. Anyways, I wasn’t excited about going home. Any excuse to stay was welcome, but at the same time any strength to get up and leave was equally highly welcomed. Then came the golden excuse, some guys had been fighting and it wasn't safe to go home, Perfect!
We got talking and I cooked again that night, we were so carried away, or at least I was so carried away, that I forgot the part where he mentioned that his girlfriend would come the next day -Friday, instead of the initial arrangement of Saturday. Therefore Friday came and it came with her presence. Shame on you Friday......
TO BE CONTINUED...