The history they didn't teach you
And now for a humble history lesson.
From the beginning of recorded history in 1493, mankind had been a peaceful and beneficial species to the world, sporting beards of all shapes and sizes and making this and that out of wicker. It wasn't until Star Wars came out in 1976 on the big screen that everyone saw the shaved face of Han Solo next to the lovable though admittedly scraggly Chewbacca. Thus, the 1970's shaving craze began. People began giving up their hippy dippy ways and got office jobs, washed with soap, and decided time was valuable to the white man. Structure ran rampant in the streets, singular nuclear family households became commonplace, replacing the hipster orgy dungeons that had once been America's backbone in the ever growing suburbs of the United Shoppingmall of America. Steadily as working citizens grew tired of rampant recreational drug use and unprotected sex with anonymous piles of people to get
their kicks, they turned to television and better, stronger prescription drugs. As the years went on, this warped sense of moral superiority fell over the working class, distorting their views of the dwindling remnants of the hippy legions that they themselves were once very much a part of. Without warning, popping unlabled pills and passing out in front of an elementary school was made illegal, as were other victimless "crimes" like exposing yourself at a nunery. As the anti-no shoes movement was thrown into effect, police were expected to kill without remorse at the slightest hint of love for your fellow man, and the country was seperated based on what shade of people were being hose blasted in the gullet into what are now commonly reffered to as "time zones".
We'll pick up where we left off tomorrow, with the roaring 20's.
And now for another humble history lesson.
After the Great War decimated most of mankind, the women of America were left with the burden to repopulate the world for the next war with only the help of a dozen or so limbless 15 year old men lucky enough to make it back from the ghastly trenches. These next few years would come to be known as the roaring 20's.
Women, or "flappers" as they were called back then, were popping out babies at record speeds thanks to the invention of jazz by Calvin Cline McFly, the same leprechaun credited with the invention of Rock n' Roll, Heavy Metal, and the "skate board". This massive influx of negrophile baby momma's and their men who were becoming less amused by the day that real women have curves, lead to the seven years diet, also commonly reffered to as the Great Depression. A decade later, with America slim and sexy enough to fit into the saddest of save the children commercials, trouble was brewing from across the pond in Germany.
By 1940, a jealous Adolf Hitler was in power and determined to create a master race of people even skinnier than their American counterparts; so he picked his favorite chosen people, the Jews. Unfortunately, he miscalculated the hight to gas ratio it takes to measure a person's ideal weight, and tens of millions perished in the quest for healthy living. It was at this time that America finally woke up Uncle Joe from his vodka nap and formed the 1970's rock group "Supertramp".
With godzilla fighting the Japanese front, Russia and a small team of American supermen know as Chuck Norris and his Karate Commandos nuked Germany from orbit and saved the Great Gatsby.
We'll begin again tomorrow with 1984 and the disastrous invention of the camera.