Patience

Geduld is een schone zaak (patience is a virtue), said Grandma, who herself is not a patient type. More than once she said that once you are older you automatically learn to bite your tongue before you say anything. Not that I have ever seen her do that, I mean bite her tongue, but she has swallowed a lot from family while her face looked bitter.

You are not a patient type, she said.
What are you talking about I thought. I am always on hold and am always the last one to be served but today I think: she is right, I had it with a lifetime of waiting. She is the one who said that I am not patient and whose name I have long since forgotten (no name, no face, only the words she spoke).

After all these years Grandma is definitely wrong. Patience is not a virtue and those who make a murder pit out of their heart are in for a rude awakening. Stress is a murder weapon and a heart attack is just around the corner.
I'll die of a heart attack one day, my son said not so long ago, upset about some situation that I understood well at the time but that I no longer care about because it has nothing to do with me (that's how selfish people are, we only care about what hurts us).

What do you think of yoga, a friend said.
Yoga? I see myself sitting (and lying) again among the elderly in the community centre on a very thin mat. This was definitely one of the times that I felt very uncomfortable and far from relaxed. Joga is not my kind of sport or relaxation.
No thanks, I said, I'd rather lie in bed and switch off my mind.

Switching off my mind works fine as long as no one talks to me, although even when someone is chattering on and on I manage to switch off perfectly well. I learned that at a very young age. Mother opens her mouth and my ears automatically close. I've come a long way with that (all those things one has to do to find some peace).

Zen.. apart from a book I have nothing with this topic or the lifestyle and now @weisser-rabe suggests a game. I will patiently wait and see what the idea is but it sounds interesting. Raking my garden isn't something I do (I don't mind the autumn leaves lying around). I don't have a sandbox either. I think you can make it yourself and if you can draw lines in the sand with your fingers, an Amazon set with a mini rake is not necessary (I have fingers, chopsticks, forks, pencils, brushes and toothbrushes).

How does a person meditate? With closed eyes, right? I wonder how I can see if the hourglass has run out. By the way, I would find it very annoying if other players would shout that I should come to my senses because my time is up. It doesn't sound Zen. A solo Zen garden seems to be the best option. All the stones are for me, I complete all the assignments (one card every day) and make and rake my own garden and path. Only in this way, there is no stress, I don't have to bite my tongue off like grandma advised and there is also no competition.

Keyword: patience - see here
Picture by google gemini
19.10.24