The Diary Game 11/07/2020

Here lately I have had to fight the demons from my past daily and most of the time all day long. Normal everyday things that are no big deal suddenly become insurmountable. I feel like the Philistine Army looking at Goliath. The most hurtful, hateful, non caring being has been slowly making his way out. I have recognized that addiction isn't anything to play with. I have fought these daily battles and they just keep coming more and more like a chisel against a stone little by little whittling me away. What I don't understand is knowing the things that I know why I still thought that I could handle it. Today I gave up today I quit fighting today I broke week today I lost my battle. I once again welcomed that devil back into my body and I'm fighting double time to try and keep it out in the future. The way the brain works is a peculiar thing but the way the addicted brain works is something that I can't even fathom. The one thing that I learned that this monster can't handle is when we go ask for help. All it takes is a little humility. I have asked for help and I have received it now it's just a matter of keeping it.