My personal perspective about courtship

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People sometimes misunderstand the word courtship as cohabiting with the opposite gender. Oh, no! Courtship is far different from that. I appreciate @okere-blessing for this topic and am very excited to participate in this.

• Courtship is a period where two adults come to know more about each other closely, not "intimately" before marriage.

• During this period, they are meant to study each other, discuss what they want in the marriage they'll be going into.

• It is a time they also learn each other's behaviour, know about their likes and dislikes, and even get to know their strengths and weaknesses.

• During courtship, they are also expected to know their families and visit both family members, especially their parents.

A good relationship in courtship can be maintained by being truthful and honest with each other. Courtship is not marriage. If the other party is not truthful and respectful or has any questionable attitude definitely, the relationship may not continue.

Take for example, a man who has an extra affair somewhere while trying to package another lady for marriage is not an honest man. If such a thing is discovered, the relationship may not continue again. Or maybe a guy who beats up a lady during a courtship because of trivial issues or even serious issues has no respect for the lady. It's a red flag which is tantamount to destroying such a relationship. No one wants an abusive relationship to talk of an abusive marriage.

In order for people in courtship to maintain a good relationship, respect for each other is very important. They must be truthful and honest, they must also understand each other and also try as much as possible to show love to each other.

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There's absolutely nothing to hide in courtship. What's the need for marriage that would be entered into in pretence? Such a marriage will not last long, because if the truth is discovered, that alone can break the marriage apart.

A lady in my village had a child out of wedlock before she eventually met this man in the city. The man loved her and proposed marriage to her and she accepted. The marriage arrangements started. Before then, she had instructed that no one reveal that to the man that she had a child. They succeeded, that was covered till they got married.

One day, she was with her husband when someone from our village saw her and said, Koko, how are you doing? I was in the village last week. I even saw your daughter. I mean she's all grown. I hope you always speak with her on the phone since she's not living with you. You'll soon be a mother-in-law and grandma soon.

As if someone sent the lady to speak in that way, she herself couldn't stop the woman because she never knew what she told her husband. She couldn't hide it, she wept and told the man she was afraid of losing him. But it was late. The man was so angry that he kicked her out of the house. She blamed the devil for it.

There are some secrets that shouldn't be hidden during courtship because if not known during courtship, it may end up breaking the marriage if entered into by false pretence or hidden secrets.

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Yes, there should be a time frame for courtship. Religiously, my church gives two years maximum and 6 months minimum for courtship to avoid the untold story of someone getting pregnant during courtship. Because that is usually a very tempting time. If you don't manage well, a lot of things can go wrong.

No. Courtship is not a guarantee of a successful marriage. I have always said in life, you can't know someone at a time. Even in a marriage of many years, you will still unveil some hidden attitude in your spouse.

Some people are successful pretenders during courtship. They change immediately when they get married. I usually say that marriage is a game of understanding and tolerance. Long or short-term courtship doesn't matter if they lack understanding and tolerance.

I can't deny that courtship is a great process before every marriage is established. But going through a courtship with deep secrets or ulterior motives may lead to a broken marriage. "A broken courtship, they say, is better than a broken marriage." Say the truth and walk away from courtship rather than disguise to build a home without a roof.

I invite
@atimisaac
@tripple-e
@missyleo