The Unspoken Words
From the wildest and deathly hole, I try my best to stand up and walk looking for you since I can determine my desire to be with you. They will call you "love", but I won't name you any of described words. I let it be whatever they like to name you because I don't care about the name, but purpose. I found you by the end of the journey. And then...??
I fell and failed many times, but those only made my desire stronger and stronger, it killed me, not you! Then, I stopped for some rest, waiting for the rain in the deepest cave I could find, but the cave demon who wanted to take my soul stared at me. The rain finally came and I collected some water for my supplies and climbed out from the cave, but one of the demon souls followed me all over my journey to take over my body and tear up my pure soul. I did not give it the slightest chance to take over mine.
Crossing the thousands of year-old snow peaks barefoot for years, enduring the hardest pain I could, keep walking find you. Following what the wind told me to follow, while I talked to him as an older brother day and night all alone, only with the wind and dream of you.
Day by day, week by week, month to year, I came to one village after another, city after city, country after country, and come to the darkest sea. I saw no light, not even stars and moon. The eternal dark! My body is no longer strong enough to bear the pain and the demon soul following me keeps trying its best to take over my body. Should I let it take me or keep trying my best to find you? I know it is my last breath to defend, but it is worth trying. My clothes have long long torn apart by the words people addressed, but I wore no mask, I let my face be seen by those who want to hate or kill me. I hide from no one anymore!
The wind told me to come here, by the lake as I saw in my dream surrounded by pine trees grown wildly over the mountain. The wind told me you will come by canoe wearing white and delicate. He said before he left; The love will come and meet you here and you will be with her for eternity. But, you may die before the end of your journey, not because of the pain she gives you, but because your body can no longer endure the happiness she gives you.
That is why I stand still waiting for the end of time, looking at thousands of sunrise and sunset flowing over the silver sky. I am sure you will come to speak to me, perhaps in the darkest day or the most lonely night. I don't count the days or nights that I have been here waiting for you. The thing I know is the wind told me you will come.
I stand by the lake talking to the emptiness to watch my back from the demon soul. Looking at the ripples and the blue mist over the lake. I have seen many small canoes pass by, but none of them were you. I keep waiting here for one and only reason to see the true you coming for me.
Perhaps, at my last breath, you will come and give a glace of your cold face or murderous eyes, I will accept it no matter how you look at me. You did not hurt me, but I did it myself, I did not train hard enough to survive longer to pursue you and live my life by your side.
When you finally arrive, you may never know me perhaps, and will walk by me standing here without words, because I spoke the unspoken words in the quietest silence. I am no longer afraid to accept the fact of your unknowing me when you finally arrive. I know life is sometimes upside down, but I need to stand still to survive and see you with my last breath with unspoken words.
Without Wax
el-nailul