Confession of he who doesn't want to dead.

Enjoy your meal! She says with a very wide smile.

That is not what I want to hear.

For the past 20 minutes, Ryanne has been acting weird. I mean— she's supposed to be shouting and screaming at me right now or even crying and be mad at me but she's not. And it's freaking me out. Maybe this is not my wife or something, I don't understand!

I look at her with my mouth, posing as the center of attention. She smiles and calls me to the table, walking back to the kitchen to remove her red apron, the one we bought on our last vacation. I try to speak to her, to express my guilt and how I regret what I did but she doesn't care to listen.

I…I just cheated on my wife..And it's a big deal!! Why does she act like it's not?!

Oh no! Does she want to kill me?!

I'm already seated and she places a plate before me, dumping the food in bits. She dishes hers but returns to the kitchen.

She must have poisoned this food! She wants to kill me!!!

If I eat this food, I'm a goner. I'm dead. That's not in this month's goal.

I do not want to dead, okay? My brain can't even make a proper sentence in my thoughts right now.

Oh Ryanne! Please stop this. I'm sorry!

I fall on my knees as soon as she reaches the table, grabbing her legs. I start to wail loudly, begging her to forgive me. She's never heard me cry before, this time I want her to. I don't deserve her. I know I failed her. Big time.

She had come to my office in the morning and saw me and Dani together. It was breathtaking, in the wrong way. I hated myself when I saw the expression on her face. She looked dejected and so very disappointed. I quickly rushed after her but somehow couldn't catch up with her. I wasn't able to leave work so I had to wait till when I returned home.

She smiles at me as I clutch her knees to my chest and asks why I'm doing that. I tell her that I'm sorry for cheating on her but she says she's forgiven me. She's forgiven me???? How?!

No. This woman here is not my Ryanne. She can't just forgive me like that.

She helps me sit on the chair and passes a quick kiss on my cheeks. We eat our dinner together, in silence.

A few hours later, we are laying on our bed. We say our prayers together and I switch off the lamp beside the bed.

My sleep is interrupted with the breathing I feel on my face. It feels heavy plus the weight my hands are withstanding. My eyes open slowly and reveal the face that owns the breaths.

Ryanne.

I jerk up suddenly and tried sitting up but she refuses to remove the force of her hands on my poor fingers. Ryanne, I called and asked what she was doing. Her face says something else. Now this looks like my Ryanne. She's mad. I examine her eyes and saw the hatred and anger exposing itself, no longer hiding.

Ryanne, what are you doing? I told her.

I love you. Pause. Ryan.

Immediately, she exerted her revenge. On my abdomen.

She didn't even give herself time to breathe. Her hands move the knife like a conductor. She didn't spare my stomach. My lower abdomen is improperly dissected. I stare at my Ryanne for one last time, seeing her bloody hands and heavy breathing. A tear leaves my right eye and my world fades to black. Curtains close.

But wait!

It's becoming bright again. Am I in heaven? Heaven, no?

Oh wait! It's my bedroom. And the clock's screaming the time. 6:00 am brother.

I touch my belly. It's unharmed. It's—intact. And Ryanne, she's sleeping beside me. She's asleep.

Wait. Was that a dream?

Oh! Thank the Lord! Oh How I love you, Lord!

I get down from the bed to start praising the Lord but I'm interrupted with a call. It's Dani.

I picked the call.

"Hey…" she starts. I cut her sharply and tell her our affair needs to stop. I tell her it's over and immediately off the phone. Very harsh but very important.

I love my wife and I will tell her everything. I hope she doesn't react like my dream. She needs to know. I promise not to hurt her like this anymore because I know she loves me very much.

She stirs up from her sleep and calls my name. I immediately kneel beside her and I see the confusion in her face. She asks me what the matter is and begs me to stand up but I refuse. I tell her that I want to stay that way.

What’s wrong?” she asks.

I take a deep breath. “Ryanne, I need to tell you something.”

I confess everything. Her face goes pale, her eyes wide with disbelief. She covers her mouth, then pulls my hands away from her.

“Stop joking,” she whispers.

“I’m not,” I reply.

Her breathing quickens. She stands abruptly, pushing me away when I try to stop her. Tears spill from her eyes as she locks herself in the bathroom.

I sit on the floor, my heart aching. I’ve hurt her in the worst way, but I’ll wait. I’ll give her the time she needs.

I just hope we get through this.