LEAVE TO CLEAVE

I know many people won't like to hear this but it needed to be said. Apologies in advance if it offends you. However, there is a generation to enlighten and this little light of mine, must shine through.

Now, of all the public reactions about Harry and Megan's interview with Oprah, this right here is the one that got me weak to my bones. It was so sad to read, but this goes to show how much wreck the Marriage institution is going through at a time like this.

It reminded me of our last Friday Watch （Bible Study and Prayers）on the Warrior Couples Movement Facebook Group. We studied Ephesians 5： 21-33, but 5：31 deserves a special mention and here is what it says：
"For this reason shall a man LEAVE his father and his mother, and shall CLEAVE unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh"
But this wouldn't be the first time those statement will pop up in the scriptures.

It was first recorded in Genesis 2：24 and our Lord Jesus repeated it in Matthew 19：5.
I am sure you might have heard about this saying too often, but have you ever stopped to ponder why the bible asked men （not women） to “leave” their fathers and mothers, to “cleave” to their wives？

In the normal circumstances we see around, a woman at the point of marriage, leaves her home and goes to live with the husband and his people. This was so even in the biblical days, Rebecca left her people to live with Isaac and his people, so did Ruth and a number of others.

Therefore, the puzzle then becomes, “Since it is women who leave their homes to join their husbands, why does the biblical perspective on marriage, require that men 'leave' their families to 'cleave' to their wives？

Also “Why is this a condition necessary for the formation of one flesh and body, between the husband and wife？
Now here it is：
It is easier for women to leave their families, unite with their husbands and prioritize them, than it is for a man to leave his people and do the same.

The circumstances surrounding marriage both in the biblical times and now makes it easier for a woman：
She relocates
She changes her name
Her husband's hometown becomes her home
She bears children with her husband's name.
All of these naturally conditions the wife to quickly blend and become one with her husband, to the point that it would require a lot of intentionality for her not to forget her parental family entirely.

So you can undestand why the biblical focus in the matter rests on the man. A man has to be intentional about leaving his people, about prioritizing his marital union above every other ties, for the oneness to occur.

Let me make it clear that the “leaving” in this context does not refer to abandoning or neglecting one's relatives, but about REPRIORITIZING. It involves mentally, emotionally, psychologically weaning yourself off the grips of your relatives to build your OWN family. This has proven to be often difficult for men, so you can understand why the scripture have to emphasize as much on it.

The inability of many men to leave their family and cleave to their spouse, become united in oneness with their spouse, has left spaces in between couples, which can easily be filled by feuds with/from extended family members. This is why, it is important for this generation of men to be taught based on biblical truth, not cultural norms that does not protect the family unit nor revere the institution of marriage.

As early as the Primary School days, we were taught that family is the smallest unit of the society, comprising of father （husband）, mother（Wife） and their Children. Any other family circle other than this small unit was described as EXTENDED FAMILY. From age 6/7 most elementary school children already know that nuclear family comes first, before extended family.

This is to say that your wife/husband, though not related to you by blood and perhaps haven't known you for as long as your relatives have, yet they come first before your other relatives： Mother, Father, Siblings and others. They become your number one priority, before the others.

Those are not my words, your Social Studies and Home Economics textbooks/teachers, taught you that. The bible teaches that. So don't hold me responsible, I am only highlighting it.

Many men and women, the likes of the person who made the comment in the screenshot attached below, know this truth too but will rather not live by it. This is why a man boldly declared that he will rather standby a criminal, murderous EXTENDED FAMILY member than by his own FAMILY.

This is why you see many women pour in all their savings into their EXTENDED family members, at the expense of their children's future because they do not want to finiancially assist in the husband's responsibility, hence, their own FAMILY suffers. This is why a man/woman will not put members of his own family（wife and children）as his next of kin but will hastily put EXTENDED family members. This is why parental interference are continuously causing chaos in many families, because a spouse or both, refused to prioritize their OWN family over the extended families and relatives. And many more ear-itching atrocities.

Sadly, there is a consequence to this, a deadly one; SELF-INFLICTION.
Yes, you cause yourself problems.
Okay check this：
When you fight your spouse over relatives, whose home is in chaos or breaking？YOURS.
When you neglect your wife/husband and children due to relatives, whose own is suffering？YOURS.

When you leave your life's earning to others excluding your wife and children, who will suffer it？YOUR OWN！Yes, the very ones you are directly responsible for.
This is why the bible states in Eph 5：28 “...He who loves his wife loves himself（NIV）”, the Living Bible says “he does himself a favour”. When you do the opposite, you hurt yourself and no one else. What you do for you own home, you do to yourself.

Fighting your spouse every day and living in chaos because of your relatives, will not make your relatives not to enjoy their own marriages, but yours remains in ruin. Know who the real victim is, and know peace.

Listen, any extended family member that wants you to fight your spouse because of them, does not love you. If they did, they would want you to have a happy home, not a broken marriage. Such a person does not love you and should not even be rated highly, no matter who is.

Wise family members, who truly loves you, will not want to cause issues between you and your wife/husband. Infact, even when they have some things they are not okay with, they will rather not bring it up to you so as not cause quarrel/misunderstanding in your home, unless it is a matter of life and death. If they love you, they will do what it will take to help your home grow peacefully without taking sides and knocking your heads together.

Finally, if as an extended family member, you find it difficult to respect the fact that your sibling/children's spouses should now be their priorities, you are their problem. You should understand that it does not reduce your relationship with them nor the love they have for you, but it should be your desire to see that their own families grow, that your relatives are living in peace, in unity and oneness with their spouses. This cannot be achieved unless there is a “leaving to cleave”.

Therefore, in conclusion, I am not saying you should not care for, and love your relatives, God forbid！I love my family to bits and my husband has so much love for his too. Together, we are intentional in extending the love we share to our shared families. So I am only pointing you to the scale of prioritization that will help you stay guided and walk in wisdom as you manage family ties/relationships, to maintain peace and harmony at all levels.

I also understand that there are contexts to this： I understand that some people are unfortunate to be living with people that are anti-family and hence managing extended family relationships becomes a tug of war. However, those few exceptional cases should not determine what becomes the rule.

In such situation, ensure that you are also doing what will best help to control the damages. Don't insist on things that are brewing conflict in your home to please relatives, at the expense of your marital peace. Find other ways to be there for them, care for them and communicate your love to them. Wisdome they say is, profitable to direct. Create a mutually conducive environment for a healthy rekationship to bloom and last, between your spouse and relatives.

Lastly, when choosing a spouse, go for people who have understood love from Abba, those who can extend the love they have for you, to your loved ones, without coercion and pretense. When a person learns love from God, their lives will emit love and it will be a gain for both your families.
You cannot be a believing Christian, who has resolved to live their lives according to the word of God and the teaching of Jesus Christ, yet you deny this truth or refuse to live by it.