Emotional dependency

What happened, my friend? -I asked Lolimar this morning, and she answered me in tears.

-It's been 5 months since José and I broke up, and I can't eat, breathe or sleep, it's a life that consumes me so much loneliness and pain!

I thought, but five months is a long time, and I started to remember that almost perfect relationship they both had, where she went out of her way to please him, she gave him gifts, accompanied him everywhere, helped him finish his degree, buy clothes, they were perfect as she said.

On the other end of the phone she repeated incessantly

-I miss her so much, I can't live like this!

And it was true, my poor friend was suffering, suffering for a love that lasted 3 years and where both of them had given so much and given so much to each other ..... There I stopped, one to the other, was that really the case? Well, for a moment I stopped and started to see everything from another angle, and I realised that Lolimar had turned that relationship into an unhealthy dependency, she had put José in such a high place that she practically turned her whole life, grief, feelings and emotional state to how José's mood behaved.

She had created a very strong degree of emotional dependency and her whole life revolved around his approval and companionship, and her entire being was subordinated to how Joseph was doing.

This type of relationship is toxic to the max for both of them, only one of them doesn't realise it, because it is like an umbilical cord attached to the other where they cannot live if that other doesn't send affection, approval and even orders to the point of being completely manipulated by the one who is adored at that moment.

What leads a woman (in this case) to depend on someone in a love relationship?

Fear of being alone

-. Very low self-esteem

-. Being negative at all times

Not having a clear personality.

Not having clear goals

I wondered how I didn't see the symptoms of this relationship before, and began to list them

1.- There is an obsession with someone

2.- An almost unhealthy fear of losing or separating from that person.

3.- Dependency on almost every level of life.

4.- Women become emotional parasites on men.

Immediately when I saw everything that was happening, I called her and told her that I would go for a coffee, believe me it was difficult to convince her, but in the end we agreed to go out, I must start to make her see how wonderful she is, remind her of all the good things that ‘alone’ she has done in all aspects, that she also sees herself in the mirror and feels that she is a woman who can eat the world ‘alone’ and if someday someone comes along she can think and be independent of that relationship.

It is not easy to bring a person out of a state of emotional dependence and a process of mourning for abandonment.

Living as a couple is a delightful thing from my point of view, but also within that relationship there must be a space, there must be a time for everything.