I feel so small...
I have been a little jittery since I came back from my aunt's home. Whenever I visit my parents, she always formally invites me for tea or dinner at least once during my stay. Although, we meet daily as she lives right across the street.
Like always, she prepared scrumptious food and I reveled in its deliciousness. I didn't feel like taking any pictures today and I absolutely love those times that let me take my mind off the phone even if for a short time. It feels like a rare blessing in this era.
Talking about the era, my uncle put on a slideshow of some old family pictures. There were pictures from my childhood years, weddings of my generation (cousins), and the previous ones (aunts & uncles).
I was amazed by the collection of my uncle. I don't even have half the pictures from last year. I have this bad habit of not keeping backups and losing data whenever I change my device. My camera roll and gallery are always untidy and I procrastinate organizing picture albums and storing them somewhere safer like a computer.
It was astonishing to see pictures from almost every important family event and a huge number of casual candid captures.
The oldest picture of my mom that I have seen is when she was around 16. Today, I got to see an even younger version of her. I look just like her. (: She was around 10 I guess and holding the hand of her late mom who was unrecognizable, since I've never seen my grandma healthy in my conscious years. It was a picture of mid 70s.
Then slowly my uncle took us to the black and white era of the 60s. He showed us his pictures from his toddler years. There were pictures of all now-old or deceased couples. There was his great-grandfather too.
I asked him how he had pictures from the time when he wasn't born. Apparently, his father also loved to take and collect pictures.
No, I'm not feeling nostalgic today. Instead, I'm feeling small, like the insignificant corner of a circle.
I know whatever I have is not for forever. But today, this universal truth hit me deep and differently. Yesterday, it was my parents' time, today it's mine, tomorrow it will be my kids.
My loved ones will be limited to a photo memory and so will I. We all gonna have the same end and yet we worry over trivial materialistic things.
I'm not saying we shouldn’t strive to live life on our own terms. Everyone should have that right. But what about those who make others' life a living hell. Who think they are gods and feel entitled to act as they please.
The pointless fights and the useless arguments which drift us apart... Only when someone is gone for good then we realize the loss and that those disagreements don't matter anymore.
Right now, I feel so small, like a quark in the monstrosity of the universe. I'm not being pessimist, just pondering a little too much on the reality of life. I also can't stop admiring how the universe is still functioning putting up with countless people.
Our planet never wanders off, sun is maintaining the needed distance, moon is still oribiting around us... The cycle continues, but for how long?
There will be a disruption and then what? Do we start again?
I guess I am still thinking circular...
Forgive my midnight thoughts. I wouldn't publish these raw thoughts during day hours.
Hi my beloved sister. @event-horizon 💕
Well... I also have a photo from my childhood. This photo was almost crazy, I saved it so I wouldn't lose it on my cell phone😆, I've edited it several times so that the image looks pretty good.
Photos from the past of me playing at my uncle's house
As I also felt my sister, when I was little, my mother told me, I always asked to go to my uncle's house in my little language, like crying. Because I really like the push toy that is in the photo at my uncle's house. If one day my mother doesn't bring me to my uncle's house, I will definitely be stuffing it until late at night 🤣.
The push toy in my photo is the child of my uncle's son. At that time my mother said our ages were only a few months apart. So I was with my uncle's son together. In fact, I considered the push toy like my toy, and I didn't give the toy to the original owner's son's son. I have it hehehe.
Even though my mother had bought the push toy, I didn't want a new one because it wasn't the same as what I wanted. Until my family was really worried about me, even though my mother had bought a new one, I didn't want a new one because I really liked having children from my uncle's man🤣. It's possible that by then I might be comfortable with the toy, even though the push toy is already broken.
Likewise with me, my sister, I don't have many memorable photos from the past, because some of the photos have disappeared on my cell phone. Same with my sister. Every time I replace my cell phone, there are always photos that are lost☹️.
Even the pictures that have been washed by my family so that until now I don't know where they are stored anymore, I really really love them even though I really need to remember the photo moments from the past.
I really want my past to happen again, because the past was really fun, there wasn't any burden at all, all we had was to play and play😅
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You were one naughty child. 😆 But then kids are just like that. They always want what's in others' hands. No shiny new toy can give them the same amount of satisfaction.
I have written a couple of nostalgic blogs. I didn't mean to send the same message from this one despite the use of old pictures. Instead I focused on something else - the never ending cycle of life.
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Hehehe, that's what my sister thinks🤣. Whoever's goods I want to have like my own goods, Thank you very much for your kind reply, my beloved sister ☺️
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I think it's not a bad thing to think circular in general (although your previous post was kind of overcomplicated for me🤭). If it was thought that way, the very people who make other people's lives hell wouldn't be doing it at all. They would feel this constant cycle of action and consequence that the playground, as I call the planet, provides for its players.
Having photos from the past creates a kind of warmth and coziness, at least that's how I feel. They are something tangible that can be touched, just like the other artifacts of the past you wrote about recently. Whereas in modern times our past, fully digitized has a tendency to evaporate with every snap of the universe's fingers (every glitch that can happen with technology)…
I remember the two suitcases with pictures of my grandfather that were under his bed. They were extremely interesting to me and my brother as children. Then it was our turn. We were also excited to take pictures with the old Russian black and white film camera we had at home.
"The black and white era of the 60s", you say 🤔
I know very well the first photo of me, which is in color. It was printed on Kodak paper, with very bright colors. A family friend had taken these pictures with his camera. But he had access to other countries because he worked on a ship. That was in the 80s. And by the time we ourselves started taking photos with color tape, it took probably other 15 years.
But that's because, as I said, we're unlucky with conquerors. 😂
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Haha. It was kind of intentional. Didn't want to break the flow by explaining everything.
if only...
I have lost countless memories to modern technology. Technology reduces clutter, takes less space, and can be carried around the world, but I tend to lose memories that way.
My dad just told me that they had coloured Fuji labs in the 70s. I don't know how because we are not an advanced nation, perhaps the effects of British rule were still fresh at that time. 😀
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What a memory you’ve brought back...
These pictures and the memories hidden within them
Seeing your mother in her youth. A different kind of nostalgia. I love looking at her old pictures.
These precious relationships that call us to their homes, that wait for us, the wait on us ...
I can totally relate...
You know, sometimes I don’t feel like taking pictures either. It becomes overwhelming.
Sometimes its just putting the phone aside and simply talking.
It's really not always a pleasant feeling, if we go somewhere, feeling the strange pressure of always having to take a picture.
But then I would curse myself for not taking any. Lol
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The pictures are mine. 😛
I haven't taken hers from my uncle yet.
Yesss...feels refreshing.
I did the same while writing this post upon releasing that I didn't take any pictures.
I was talking about myself. That I love looking at my mother's old photos.
I know these are your pictures. Seriously? Do you even doubt that I wouldn't recognise you. Gimme your newborn picture.... Ok maybe i wouldn't guess that. Lol
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