Naked Loss

2020 was a rough year for everyone. For me it was hell. My wife left me early in the year, before the pandemic. I was consumed in darkness most of the year, not even noticing the world falling apart around me.

I lost 20 lbs. I couldn’t eat. I threw up a lot from stress. I put a rifle to my face once and a belt around my neck twice. I didn’t go through with it but I really didn’t want to make it to the end of the year.

Loss sucks. I have never been through something like that. There were times when I thought death would have been easier to endure than betrayal. Everything I knew was changed and nothing made sense.

But, there is always a but, I persevered. I clung to my faith. I fought a long, tortuous, but ultimately unsuccessful battle to save my marriage. And I met someone. Someone who showed me that I was worth loving. And I am alive and for the most part sane now because of her.

What does this have to do with nudism? Very little. I will say it was one constant in my life during the year. Even in my darkest hours I still despise clothing. In fact I almost killed myself in the nude. Naked I came in, naked I would go out.

I escaped to a campground for July 4th weekend. A huge thunderstorm rolled in shortly after I arrived and I spent my first hours there walking in circles around their pavilion, nude, balling my eyes out. It was so damn cathartic.

I just want everyone to know, no matter what you are going through, there is always hope. Even if things don’t turn out exactly the way you hoped they would, no struggle is worth giving up. No trial is worth taking your own life.

If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts or even just stumbling through a hard season, get help. Find people. Keep praying. Find healthy escapes to take your mind off the battles, even if just for a little bit. Walk naked in the rain. Love yourself, even if it feels like no one else does, or that you somehow don’t deserve it.

You can make it. You can survive.