Learn The Act Of Asking
A few days back, I was in a discussion with one of my friends and he made a statement that he does not like asking for favour or for anything, that he grew up to be absolutely independent and responsible for his life. At that point, I realized how limited he will be. Asking for help does not mean that you are dependent or irresponsible, because there are many reasons one needs to ask. For example; one can ask for directions, for help, for assistance, etc. It is not the act of asking that makes one irresponsible but the intentions behind it. If you are asking to assume more responsibilities, then it is righteous. But if you are asking to fulfil a selfish desire of consumption, then it is irresponsible.
One thing you need to understand is that, no matter how independent you are or how responsible you may become, you are not an island. That is, at some points in your life, you must be in need of someone's assistance. You will be surprised but the truth is that no one has made it with zero input of others; everyone is a product and subset of others. Do not think that people will look at you and quickly know or assume that you need help. There are sometimes that you may be in honest need of certain assistance and you need to ask for it. Without asking, then reception may not be in view.
Points to consider
Firstly, you should ask for only the right and genuine reason. For someone that is without a job or without work for example, it will be a mark of gross irresponsibility for the person to be asking for fish to be given to him. But it will be better if he asks to be taught how to fish. The latter places a responsibility on him and he will get that kind of help more. More so, it will make him more independent because he will become a producer of what he would have been begging for if he had asked to be given a fish.
The truth is that people can determine, to an extent, your intentions behind asking, and they will know when you are asking for just consumption. Everything about asking is not "give me, give me," it sounds better when it is "how do I get this done?" For example, when you ask for direction, you may not get a ready help if you ask "can you take me to where I am going?" because you are already shifting your own responsibility to the person you are asking. However, if you ask "please how do I get to where I am going?" then you are asking to assume responsibilities. Always remember that your main aim of asking should not be to shift responsibility but to assume more responsibilities.
The second point of consideration when asking is "right timing." Even with the right intentions and the willingness to assume more responsibilities, if you ask at the wrong time, your request may be turned down. Imagine in your office and the day you came to work late for some reasons, and your boss is already unhappy with you, is the day you want to ask him to raise your salary. As a matter of fact, you already know what to expect; an obvious "no" and may even be complemented with a query.
I remember what a friend once told me; "timing is an art that should be mastered" and I see truism in it. There are many people that have been turned down, not because they did not have the right intentions to ask, nor because the person does not have what is being asked, but because of wrong timing. You should also be able to watch the emotions of the person you want to ask and then know if it is the right time to ask.
Furthermore, you should not ask beggarly but with confidence, as long as you are asking for the genuine reason and that you are asking to take responsibility not to become a liability. After all, at the worst case, what you will get is a "no," not a death sentence. So do not ask like your whole world is about to crumble. Even though you are to be hopeful when asking, but you should be prepared even for the worse, so that you will not be disappointed.
Finally, you have to learn to be thankful for any help that you receive no matter how little it may appear. Remember this; if you are not grateful for an assistance that you have gotten in the past, if you need further assistance in the future from the same person, the person may be unwilling to help you. So try to be appreciative and grateful.
Thanks for reading
