3 things we can't change in life and how to deal with them

Image by Anastasia Gepp from Pixabay

An inconvenience or a real problem?

There are many things in life that we cannot change or control, which can be seen as problems or opportunities. We have seen this recently with the coronavirus epidemic that showed how powerless we are. While writing this, many countries across Europe and India are facing difficulties, in which the number of cases and deaths is increasing. I do not want to emphasize the problems of the world, but to help you understand them. Change weaves itself throughout life, and sometimes it can improve or disrupt our lives. I am sure you have experienced changes throughout your life, knowing how annoying it can be.

But how do we deal with situations that we cannot change? It lies in our ability to adapt to it rather than to control the circumstances. For example, if you are fired from work due to an epidemic, you may become upset and angry. You have every right to feel that way, and you should not deny your feelings. But if we think on a larger scale, losing one's job is a minor hassle compared to losing a loved one due to Kovid-19.

By re-evaluating our situation, we can zoom out our lives and understand that while our situation is difficult, it is not the end of the world. We can decide to increase skills through further education and find work in other fields. But it is sad to lose a loved one due to some illness and we cannot do anything. Therefore, when we feel that we cannot change a situation, we must ask ourselves whether it is an inconvenience or a real problem? It helps us gain perspective, knowing that other people in the world are experiencing greater difficulties. Keeping this in mind, here are three things we cannot change in life but deal with more effectively.

Change your perspective

1. How do other people treat you?

We cannot control how other people treat us, and sometimes bad things happen to good people. If we judge life on the basis of fair or unfair, then we set ourselves up for despair. Life is doing its job of expanding on the basis of universal rules and principles. If others misbehave with us, then this is an opportunity to look within ourselves and change our reaction. In this context, feedback means whether we feel victimized or whether we use the experience to become more resilient.
This is a given, people will intentionally or sometimes unconsciously misbehave with us. It is my professional experience that how someone treats you is not your indication, but rather what is going on inside them. You might have heard the saying: "Hurt people, hurt people?" Meaning that people who are injured or suffering from trauma inflict their wounds on others due to the pain associated with dealing with it.

If someone misbehaves with you, chances are they themselves are suffering from deep pain. So how do you treat such people? It involves knowing its true value and standing in its power. This means recognizing the other person's intentions and forgiving them of their mistakes to the extent that you are ready and willing. Similarly, if you can, it helps establish boundaries and distance from them. Is this something you are willing to try? Yes, I agree that it is difficult but you are not doing it for them but to reduce their pain and suffering, which is more important.

2. Sometimes, things go wrong

Sometimes, life takes an unexpected turn when we least expect it. People let us down. We lose property or people important to us. Our life changes suddenly, and we experience despair, anger, and despair. It is natural to feel like this, but when things go wrong, instead of following your problems, try to find a solution. If we focus on our problems, they expand into our consciousness and we cannot find solutions. This is what Albert Einstein meant when he said: "We cannot solve a problem with the same level of thinking that created it in the first place." Our problems cannot be solved with the same mind that created them.
Therefore, when things go wrong, avoid paying attention to your problems, but change your perspective and look for the opportunity contained therein. For example, I am re-reading an amazing book called American Chess Champion, by Josh Weitzkin: The Art of Learning. In one chapter, he tells a story when he was playing international chess against the Russians. They repeatedly interrupted her concentration during matches, such as kicking her under the table, making noise or unexpectedly leaving the table. Eventually, he learned how to exploit distractions and improve his flexibility and become an unstoppable champion. It is about using your problems to your advantage, rather than drifting into them.

3. Life Is Not Personal But Predictable

I have written in earlier articles that life is not personal but predictable. It has no agenda to offend anyone because life is no different from us. We are the embodiment of life and when we understand it, we gain the power to improve our circumstances. Life can be estimated to the extent that our experiences are important lessons for our development. Things will happen that you did not expect or that you cannot control. Naturally, you will feel upset, angry, and powerless. But this is when your invisible power emerges to respond to what is happening. It is your response that determines whether you are suffering or changes your perspective.

Nobody wants to suffer because the pain is hard. Therefore, we have options, and sometimes they are not necessarily clear. Naturally, we want to overcome the problem that hurts us, but this may not always be possible. The only thing we can control is our attitude and our reaction. Therefore, when difficulties arise and you cannot control or change them, see if you can change your perspective. It will not be easy and you will need to explore deep within yourself to change your perspective. To change how you react to what is happening, you will need to get out of your comfort.