Change and Releasing the Need to Control Everything

As a counselor and minister, I get to see a wide variety of situations, brought to me by my clients.

Without a doubt, we humans are subjected to all manners of trauma causing situations, and some of them leave lasting marks and habits, some of which we might not even be aware of.

The human psyche can use some very subtle "techniques" to protect itself from getting hurt. Or, as the case might be, from getting hurt again.

Whenever we encounter someone who seems almost obsessive in their need to control and micromanage every situation, it is often a sign that some deeper trauma is at work.

But why does a person need to control every tiny detail of their life and environment?

Often, their original trauma was caused by a situation in which they felt like everything was spinning out of control... and that was scary!

When we try to control everything — even if we become aware because friends and family sometimes refer to us as a "control freak" — we're simply trying to eliminate any unknowns, because it was those unknowns that likely caused us pain, in the past.

People who try to control everything often have a great deal of difficulty handling change in their lives... sometimes to the point where they end up feeling stuck in toxic situations.

Experience has taught me that letting go of the need to control is one of the greatest psychological challenges many people face.

You might wonder why we benefit from letting go of the need to control. For the most part, the truth is that we can't actually hope to control everything in our environment — life is often chaotic and unpredictable — least of all the people around us.

And when we try too hard to control other people, they tend to take offense and become more likely to reject us at times when we are actually seeking connection.

The path to healing and feeling less "constricted" often starts with the simple recognition that our desire to control came about during a time that is no longer present in our lives. We are, in fact, reacting to a memory, rather than to the present moment.

Applying past strategies to present situations — or present people — tends to not work out so well because now is not the past!

It is wise to just stop and reflect for a moment, when we are about to react to something by wanting to control it. Why am I wanting to do this? What will happen if I don't?

Simple awareness goes a long way!

I appreciate your visit, and Bright Blessings to all!

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