Are Dowries Dehumanizing - 29/6/24

For those of us who are hearing about the “payment of bride price or dowries” for the first time, this simply means a certain amount of money the groom gives to the bride's parents to appreciate them for the good job they have done raising such a beautiful lady.

(Traditional marriage of my friend)

This practice has been handed down from generation to generation, although it varies among the different ethnic groups in Nigeria. Recently, however, there has been a major outcry for the payment of bride price to be abolished because women are being treated like property bought by their husbands and because the parents of the bride have been exploiting the groom under the guise of bride price.

I’ll be sharing more highlights on the subject matter under different subheadings but before going ahead let me invite @lovelystar and @bossj23 to the contest.

• Female Point of View:

When ladies say dowries are dehumanizing and degrading, the first thing that comes to my mind is that this lady must have married a bad person. It is only people like that who rub it in their wife’s face by telling her harsh words like: “I paid your dowry in full and have a right to do with you whatever I like.”

This statement alone makes the lady feel less of herself, like someone who has no say of her own or a piece of furniture to be used whenever called upon. Some men go as far as stopping their wives, who are earning a good salary, from working to become full-time housewives because of their insecurities. This is because they have paid her bride price, which gives them autonomous control over her, thus propagating gender inequality.

• Male Point of View:

A man loves his girlfriend so much and goes to pay her bride price with his family, only to hear that to marry the girl of his dreams, everything put together is worth half a billion naira. In some extreme cases, the guy, out of anger, leaves the wedding with his family. Some parents put such a high price tag on their daughters, making it look as if they are being sold for monetary value.

Some men who go ahead with the wedding are put into financial debt because they don’t have enough funds to pay and have to borrow money from friends to meet the bride price. This can create resentment and strain family relationships after the wedding is over.

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Paying bride price in my area isn’t cheap either. The few things I remember seeing on my sister’s marriage list include:

• Wrappers for the mother
• Drinks
• Bottled water
• Goat
• Tubers of yam
• Wines
• Rice
• Native alcoholic drink
• Big boxes

These items aren’t meant for the immediate family alone. The extended family also participates by bringing their own list as well. After all this is done, you now start preparing for the main traditional wedding ceremony by hosting your visitors.

Despite the negative reviews attached to bride price or dowry, I don’t think it should be seen as a social evil or be abolished. My reasons are that this is an age-old tradition that has been passed down through generations. Destroying such a culture is like destroying what we stand for and what makes us unique as an ethnic group.

In most cases, these expensive wrappers demanded by the bride’s mother are given to their daughters as a means of supporting the newly wedded couple in challenging times. Paying bride price, as I said earlier, is a way of appreciating the family for raising a good daughter and also affirming to the family that you are financially capable of taking care of their daughter in their absence, because no parent wants their daughter to suffer.

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Many families, especially struggling ones, now see a girl child as a means to an end by exploiting their in-laws with huge sums of money. To put a stop to this, we need to educate families and enlighten the community about the harm high bride prices cause. The governor of Anambra State has asked for bride prices to be reduced because they are deterring men from marrying local ladies and looking elsewhere.

For men who trample on their wives’ fundamental human rights or treat their wives unfairly, all in the name of paying their dowries, the wife should seek the advice of a lawyer to ensure they seek justice and protection from the abusive husband.