Soda Water – Can It Kill?

doctorlawyerjr (28)in #humor • 7 years ago

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This morning, I woke up as parched as a piece of toast. A toast retoasted in the toaster. I was damn thirsty, and not for the club, no, no no no. I hit up the club last night with my homeboys. I asked for a water, but vodka was the only thing they had. I was so thirsty, so damn thirsty, I drank away $100 trying not to die of dehydration. Vodka is only 40% alcohol, 60% water right?!? I figured I could get 60% more hydrated than I was that day. It did not work.

This morning I was thirsty. Thirsty for water like a turtle mistaken for a tortoise. Of course, today was the day my apartment scheduled to fix the water pipes – we were all sick of that green stuff coming out, except for my neighbor who was into smoothies anyway. So I flip the handle – no water. I’m dying here. I put my tongue to the faucet and sucked as hard as I could. Nothing. Winter weather, dry as beef jerky.

It was then I remembered the soda water I bought from the store ten years back, dusty and long, long expired. I’m not sure why I bought it in the first place, all I remember was that it was some fancy local home-brewed brand, Poppin’ Carbs, or something fancy like that. Oh man, I drank that case down like I was a wooly mammoth at the drinking hole. It damn near saved my life. If only I hadn’t gotten so overly excited and inhaled a good few gulps, thinking I was some sort of fish.

And now I’m at the ER, burping lung burps most people don’t even think is possible. Well it’s possible.

Moral of the story kids? Don’t be me. Think twice before you drink soda water.