If you're not creating and exploiting controversy on Steemit, you're missing out on a lucrative income stream!

To my loyal supporters:

No question about it: there is a ton of STEEM to be made by throwing around baseless accusations, starting fights, pitting lesser opponents against each other, and dropping controversy bombs on Steemit. But how do you, a minnow, get in on the action? Steem conquests can be a confusing venture for the uninitiated. How do you know when you've stumbled upon an exploitable controversy? Should you officially declare your war by making a post, or conduct the battle through stealth attacks in the comments section? And how do you protect your flanks from enemy combatants? Today, I, The High Esteemian, will answer all of these questions and more as I show YOU how to be a top Steem War Strategist.

Select your target.

This is the first step, and it will be the hardest for most of you. You're going to need to find a Steemit user to pick a fight with. Now, in order to do this, you'll first have to rid yourself of the hippie-dippie notion that Steemit is some kind of peaceful, flowery bastion of freedom and happiness. (I know that's how most of you minnows are thinking.) Or even the wishy-washy, moderate belief that Steemit is an interesting experiment in social media that has it's good points and its bad points. No. Stop it.

Repeat after me: STEEMIT IS A WAR ZONE.

Steemit is under attack by someone, or a group of someones. Any goodness that Steemit once possessed is now in danger of being wiped off the face of the blockchain unless you respond with a superior show of force. Who are these militants, and what sinister acts have they perpetrated, that threaten the very fabric of Steemian civilization? I don't know. It's your job to find out. (If you have any leads, leave them for me in the comments.)

Here are a few tips for how to choose a target.

• Choose someone who is already in the limelight. Your target should be someone who Steemians already know by name, so that readers will be sure to click on your post when you announce the scandal.
• But make sure that the opponent you choose isn't a whale. That would probably mean instant full power downvotes, spinning your war of conscience into a tragic downward spiral of regret and grayed-out post previews.
• Also, don't pick a powerless minnow as your target. Initiating asymmetrical warfare will make you look like the aggressor, which would defeat the purpose of stirring up controversy. You want to be the good guy in any Steem war you start.

Fire the first shot.

Once you've chosen a target, it's time to take action with a well-planned preemptive strike. There are a few ways to do this:

• You can create a post revealing the infractions of your opponent. In most cases, this will be the most effective attack. Make sure to write a headline that is sensational and scandalizing. And don't speak to anyone about your war plans before you attack; you want your enemy to be caught off guard so that they will be more likely to respond in a way that looks suspicious.
• You can strike your opponent where it really hurts: in the comments section of his or her own posts.
• You can seed cleverly crafted rumors about your opponent's evil-doings in the Steemit chat rooms. In this way, if you are really skillful about it, you can get others to start your war for you. Save your ammunition. Let them fight the first few battles, then step into the conflict belatedly with a post that will increase fervor in both factions (while increasing your own profit.) Be forewarned, however: this is a risky move. Your rumor-mongering might be seen as simple trolling.

Recruit Soldiers.

When people show up in the comments section of your big controversy-unveiling, war-starting post to further rouse the rabble, be sure to offer them plenty of encouragement. You can't win this war alone; you're going to need an army. And the comments section is the best place to recruit. Hopefully, some of these new minions will go off and publish their own posts against your opponent, complete with statistics and lists of untenable demands. These people are your foot soldiers. Your vanguard. If all goes well, THEY will be the ones to absorb the bulk of the violence directed toward your side, while you sit safely in your commander's tent, stroking your beard and moving little brass markers across a map. Then, when the minions are lying, broken and bleeding in the dirt, you can stride outside and take the last of the enemy out in one easy stroke of your broadsword.

Gather your Allies.

It might also be in your best interest to woo the support of an influential ally of the whale persuasion. The best way to do this is to mention them by name in your controversy-stirring post, lay on some thick flattery, and then make a statement that makes it sound as if they have already signed up on your side of the war.

For instance:

" @whaleymcwhalerton is the smartest, greatest, and most well-dressed whale on steemit, and he said in a recent comment on my page that he thinks my work is really solid. I'm glad that some whales understand the magnitude of the problem we are facing from @mysteemwaropponent . "

Strike early and often.

Cause enough damage, and your enemy is as good as defeated. Before the war's half over, you want your target to be hemorrhaging reputation points. By the time you declare victory over your vanquished foe, they should be too ashamed to show their face on Steemit for at least a month.

Here are a few strategies for how to cause destruction in your opponent's territory:

• Think of some really choice insults to hurl at your target. Refer to him or her by fun epithets like "The Blisterfaced Cocktrough", or "That Blubbering Buttwrinkle". Alliterative names will gain you a strategic advantage. BUT--and this is key--make sure you do not use these insults until AFTER your opponent and/or their minions have insulted you. Once they have, pull out your full arsenal and make sure your insults are better/funnier than theirs.
• Post incriminating screenshots of your opponent's blog. Inflammatory statements they may have made. Suspicious rewards histories. Neglected image attributions. Typos. Whatever you can find. Bonus points if you include statistical analyses about your opponent's posting and/or voting history. It's okay if these incriminating screenshots are taken slightly out of context. You're not a New York Times journalist from the 1950s; you're a war strategist. All is fair.
• Don't forget to paint your opponent's transgressions as a profound threat to the VERY SURVIVAL of Steemit as a platform and a community. You want your readers to fully grasp the fact that if this type of behavior continues, barbarism will reign, Steemit will descend into a realm of inescapable darkness, and every pinprick of goodness and light will be blotted out forever.

Profit!

If you've done your job correctly, you should see the STEEM rolling in! That's if you don't get flagged into oblivion. But those are the wages of war. There is no great gain without great risk.

May the Steemit gods bless your battlefields and bring defeat to your foes.

Yours In Valor,

The High Esteemian

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I love you, Steemit!

Hi! I'm Leslie Starr O'Hara, but my friends call me Starr. I live in the mountains of North Carolina and I write funny fiction and satire here on Steemit. Follow me if you want to laugh your britches off!

Thank you for reading, and stay tuned for more. My alter-ego, The High Esteemian, publishes articles each Friday!