And remember: Monet — spots, Manet — people

Students are inventive people. A story from the life of future art critics who were lazy for the whole semester to attend lectures. People’s words, the author is wanted.

Once upon a time, even in the first year, we had such a course — art history. The subject itself is very interesting, but the teacher is such an arrogant and disgusting type that you rarely see. It seems to me that there was not a single student who would like him. Lectures were held on Saturdays, at 8 a.m. and at five minutes to eight, the professor stood at the door with a chronometer, and then closed it with a barn lock. And that’s it!

I did not have time before eight — a pass. And many passes are a big grief.

All year he showed us slides of paintings, sculptures, mosaics and other art objects: from rock painting to contemporary artists.

And all these slides were stored in his form of postcards. Wow, oh such a huge box.

And at the end of the year — an exam. First two questions, then additional execution individually. By the number of personal passes for the year (!), He took out postcards from the box. At random!

It should be called the author and the name, or at least the author, or at least the name. Mona Lisa and a few more — this is recognizable, uncomplicated, and everyone remembered quickly. And with the rest of the million it was urgent to do something.

And so, to guess the author, students came up with a quick classification. And you know, in 97 cases out of a hundred - it works! Still!

Remembering a few simple points and characteristics, the company is not too close to the visual arts, you can be considered an expert.

So:

1. If you see a dark background in the picture, torment and suffering on the faces — this is Titian.

An exception is this nudibranch with no signs of thought on her face. One can be remembered.

1. If the picture is so-so-so-so assholes and cellulite even among men — do not hesitate — this is Rubens.

1. If in the picture the men look like cutesy curly women or simply Italian gays, we have before us the masterpiece of Caravaggio.

He generally painted women one and a half times in his life. In the next picture — just a woman. Why she looks like Johnny Depp is a mystery even more than the smile of Mona Lisa.

1. If the picture has a lot of small human figures — this is Brueghel.

1. A lot of little people + little incomprehensible nonsense = Bosch.

1. If you can easily add a pair of plump cupids and white lambs to the picture (or they are already there in different configurations), without violating the composition, these can be:

a) Boucher

б) Watteau

1. Beautifully, all naked and figures like bodybuilders — Michelangelo:

1. You see the ballerina — you say Degas. You say Degas — you see a ballerina.

1. Contrasting, sharp and all have skinny bearded faces — El Greco:

1. If everyone, even women and youngsters, is like Putin, this is van Eyck:

P.S. And remember: Monet — spots, Manet — people.